Counselling

Hi beezmouse and everyone

I can totally u derstand how you are feeling , though I am only into 10 weeks of my husband dying

Am trying the best I can to do different things, walking ,visiting people who have asked me. I have decided not to refuse any invites as long as it’s not out of my comfort zone

I don’t feel I want counselling , Iwant to be to with people who are going or have gone through this experience we are having. My family and friends are great but with the best will in the world can’t know what I am going through.I feel lonely even with their support 

I really don’t want to do the walking etc ,I make myself do it. I just want him back sat on the settee with me

Dear Beezmouse and Lancashirelass

This is a very hard place to be. I can't comment on 2 lots of counselling but it depends how you feel as you do 2 lots. Being isolated is different to reaching out and you are reaching out to us. Remember you are still dealing with firsts and if you feel there's light ahead you are getting ready to find your way.

Some can throw themselves into everything but as you say it's got to be comfortable. Your grief is something that is your path and very individual. 

Think more of some joy or interest of your own. After all you've gone through you need to look after yourselves. The emotional and physical affects on you mean it's time to think of you. 

Thank you both for your replies.  

I'm hoping tomorrow will be better,  then the next day after that.  I have in my mind once I get through the 12th April things may start to improve.  I really hope they do as I cannot go on like this for much longer

One small step at a time I will get there.

Thank you  again 

Dear Beezmouse,

April 11th will be the first anniversary  of my husband's passing and I know how you must be feeling. I'll be thinking of you on the 12th.

Warmest Regards,

Millie

Dear Millie and Beezmouse

I'll be thinking of you both on your anniversary of  days and hoping there's comfort and brightness in some part for you. My best wishes xxx 

Hi Beezmouse,

Hard times, dealing with anniversaries, etc. hang in there.

My wife, Hilary, died October 2017 and I was never a touchy feely guy, but got some counselling, one on one, with the NHS, and was told that basically what I was feeling was all normal.

I later went to a Hospice Bereaved group and found it very helpful. everyone there had lost a spouse/partner, and it made a bit more sense to me. I was not mad for feeling anger, despair, loneliness, etc. So, search around, see if the local hospice does anything, if not, reach out and get in touch with Cruse.

this is going of topic, but I found this good:

Part of my response to missing my long term friend was to involve myself in parkruns. 
I was obese, hadn't done any exercise in over 45 years, but they were non judgemental, welcoming and supportive. You can walk, jog, jog walk, whatever - the bottom line, it was an opening to exercise, conversation, and coffee on saturday mornings.

Keep up the counselling.

C

Thank you everyone.

I had my 1st session on Monday. Felt so much better afterwards. Like someone is giving validity to how I'm feeling.

She talked through significant dates and helped me work through my feelings about them and shes given me homework to do for my next session. 

I have also joined an organisation  called WAY (widowed and young). I hope through them I can maybe meet people my age who have gone through this and managed to get back on track and understand how I'm feeling.

You're  so right about exercising.  I've been making sure to get my 10,000 steps in each  day.  It feels nice to get out in the fresh air. It also gives me a chance to reflect on things too,  plus I can do with getting fitter and losing some weight.

A year tomorrow!  Wow.. have no idea how Ive gotten here by myself,  but I bloody well have and I know my husband would be proud of me for what I have achieved.

Tomorrow will be a day of reflection,  not on the illness or what caused my husbands death. But on the amazing 7 years we spent together and the 15 months we were married. I miss him every single day,  but I am a much better person for having him in my life even for such a short time.

B -x-

Dear Wifeof26years,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. This Community is so much help

 by sharing thoughts, experiences and good wishes.  THe whole world could use such kindness.

I'm doing well today, staying busy, talking to friends and planning on opening up a bottle of good champagne tonight before dinner with good friends.  In Georges honor, I'll put on some Wagner and play the ride of the Valkyries full blast just  like he did during his heyday while we sip champagne. (should probably invite neighbors so they will not complain)

Hugs to you all, especially Beezmouse.

Millie

Hi Beezmouse,

Just read your post. My thoughts are with you. I've been lucky as work have been supportive and at the moment (6 months since my wife Margi died) I'm keeping busy with work and family/friends demands and I must admit I'm not my own best company so I'm still aware that when I have time to think it doesn't help.

With one week to go to the anniversary of your husband dying my thoughts are with you. I've been told the first of everything is hard and the anniversary of dying I imagine to be one of the worst. 

It may be that the thought of the anniversary is worse than the actual day. Try and think of the happy memories and the good times that you had. That's what's keeping me going

take care

Ian

Hi there,

You finsih on the most positive thing, think of the joy and great times you had together. He was good to you, now you have to be good to you, try not to stress.

About the exercise, to be honest, one of the things it does for me, stops me from thinking! Too busy trying to breath! 

Joining a group, any group, is good, it will allow you to divert your mind, and also find people who've been thru similar things.

Take care

C