How are we doing?

Without losing connections to our life together

Hi everyone,

It's good to check in at times I suppose. It's lovely how we keep thinking of our companions on this journey, isn't it? So thank you for reaching out today.

As for myself, I can say that I truly don't know how I am at the moment. I feel pretty good most of the time. Work and social engagements are keeping me busy. I did my first aid course one month ago and am going to do another workshop next weekend as part of continued professional development. I have also started some Meet Up groups for walking and have signed up for a yoga and ChiGong class on Friday mornings. So all of that is positive. And I am doing all of it because I feel that my world as it is right now is too small, I need to find new people to spend time with, not real friends maybe bt acquiantances, some people who are willing to go for coffee or a walk sometimes. Sometimes I get struck by my grief in a very painful way. Like today I was sitting on the bus and thinking of what Sarah2nd posted yesterday about coming close to the first anniversary and I thought that it is the same for me and then this deep, deep sadness enveloped me when I remembered that today one year ago Paul was already very sick but because it was the Easter weekend we thought we would wait and bring him to St. Luke's after the weekend. I know we didn't do anything wrong and I know it wouldn't have made any difference, and still I am sad that he had to get so sick at all, that he wasn't given more time...

Also, since last week, I have been having elevated blood pressure and am currently on a 24-hour blood pressure monitor. I had high blood pressure before and was taking 5 mg Valsartan for it. But then it went very low and my doctor took me off it. But at the moment it is 178 over 115 and that is definitely too hight for a person my age and my weight. So I am a little worried about that, even though I know that the medication can possibly sort it out again ,but I am asking myself: Why is my blood pressure so high? What is going on and is it perhaps that I surpress my grief? Am I not feeling all I should really feel? Am I trying to be strong all the time and is my heart telling me that it is too much? I don't know.

So that's it from me. Would love to hear how others are doing.

Love and hugs,

Mel.

Dear Mel always good to hear from you so open and with so much empathy. I hope your blood pressure settles it may well be linked into memories  and events. I wonder that about my aches and pains

I hope you enjoy your positives. 

Still these  emotions come over us. I was just talking to one of my husband's  friends who said he was a dear and good friend. That stopped me in my tracks...

Thankyou Mel take care xxx

Hi WifeOf26years and Mel,

Just got back from my yoga class. Actually felt I had a bit more energy today in class.  Found myself chatting to my yoga teacher after class....had a little cry but also had a giggle.

Interesting points about blood pressure and emotions (I really thought with my family history it may have been a coincidence). Suppressed emotions probably has caused mine to shoot up too. I have my first appointment with Hospice on 17th April 're emotional support.

Its a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment. From doing okay to crying randonly and turning up to my dentist appointment a day early today (sometimes don't know what I am doing!).

Going to get a diary.....my memory is now shocking (even with text reminders...urgh) but understandable. 

Take care both of you. Night night Xx

Hi I hope you are feeling a little better today, I know exactly what you are feeling I’ve had a few days like that at the moment trying to move forward but just seem to be stuck with life going around in circles at the moment, I’m trying to decide what to do with my husbands clothes etc, I’ve had a few things made into memory pillows but it’s the rest I’m just not sure what is best to do with, part of me says maybe it’s time to take it to the charity shop and then I just start wondering if that’s the right thing to do, but I sometimes feel it might help with the prosess of moving forward with my life, I will never forget my darling husband he was my sole mate and friend but maybe it’s time to try and start to move forward as it will be a year soon since he has passed away xx

Hi I hope you are feeling a little better today, I know exactly what you are feeling I’ve had a few days like that at the moment trying to move forward but just seem to be stuck with life going around in circles at the moment, I’m trying to decide what to do with my husbands clothes etc, I’ve had a few things made into memory pillows but it’s the rest I’m just not sure what is best to do with, part of me says maybe it’s time to take it to the charity shop and then I just start wondering if that’s the right thing to do, but I sometimes feel it might help with the prosess of moving forward with my life, I will never forget my darling husband he was my sole mate and friend but maybe it’s time to try and start to move forward as it will be a year soon since he has passed away xx

Dear Dutsie and my Angle

I'm pleased your appointment  is not far away now hope it helps.

Regarding your husband's clothes my Angle I like the idea of making items  into memory pillows and there is no rush on the other clothes. I did a lot of sorting to charity thinking of the benefit to the shops I choose. However there are some items I'm unable to let go of yet...

A difficult anniversary  coming up I'm thinking of you. Love and best wishes xxx

Hi again everyone,

I think that a lot of the aches and pains and symptoms most of us are experiencing at the moment - and I know many do from a thread I started on this last year - come from our traumatic losses and our effort to cope with them all of us in their own way and in their own time. Blood pressure issues, insomnia, weight loss, weight gain, constant tiredness and exhaustion - I think the list could go on and on. I suppose all we can do is make sure that we get checkups with our GPs if we feel that there may be something wrong that really needs a doctor to look at it but not to get overly worried either at the moment.

As for bringing clothes away to the chairty shop, my experience is that we all know when it is the right time to do it. When I decided last year to get rid off a few clothes, it was fine, but there came a point where I knew it was enough and that I would only make myself very miserable if I forced myself to do more. So his clothes and shoes are still here and I have no intention of doing anything with them. Not yet. And I think that's okay. Equally, though, if I wake up tomorrow and know that I want to do it and still think like that one or two hours later, I will probably do it. That's what I mean: We all have to really intuit what and when it is right.

Love and hugs to all

Mel.

Hi wife of 26years and everyone.                             I hope you are all as ok as you can be, I have decided to sort through some of my husbands things and the rest I will keep for now, I’m also going to get some more made into memory pillows for his family and close friends and my grandchildren to help them with the grieving process, my grandson in particular as he lost his best friend when his grandad passed away they were inseparable, as for me I just keep telling myself everyday that my darling husband is at peace and out of pain and suffering and that helps me coupe with the thought that I will never be able to touch his face again nor see his wonderful smile. Thinking of you all sending hugs my angel xx

Hi

I had the same problem with Georges clothes, then it came to me to ask our daughter and grandchildren if they wanted anything, indeed they did-some old Micky Mouse sweatshirts.  Then I asked friends, and they wanted certain thing to remember him by, a orange sweater, a watch and so it went.  When the most precious things were gone, I had no problem with giving the residual clothing to those less fortunate.  It all worked out well.  I see the items on my loved ones and friends from time to time and I smile.

Warm regards,

Millie