the missing part of me

Sending you a huge hug, how shocking for you, especially when you were hopeful of a cure. What an awful rollercoaster. I'm sure your friends and family don't think of you as a burden - they probably feel honoured that you trust them enough to share your feelings. I do hope you can find some solace from somewhere. It's always so sad when someone new finds themselves here but I hope we can support you x 

My goodness, what a terrible shock you have had Karen. It's traumatic enough having to come to terms with the cancer diagnosis without the dreadful ordeal of Jason dying so suddenly of a heart attack. I really feel for you. I understand what you are saying about wanting your heart back - I long every minute of every endless day since 7 January when my husband died to be with him and talk to him and the heartache is unbearable. My family and friends have also been fantastic and I am so grateful for their love and support. I don't suppose for one second your family consider you a burden so let them support you as much as they can and don't feel bad about it. You would do the same if the tables were turned.

Wishing you strength,

Love Ann x 

Hi Karen love and warmth to you I am sorry for what you are going through I lost my Jim last year to asbestos related cancer .He only had a few weeks after diagnosis.Your heart ts broken at your loss and the pain and despair the hopelessness hurts so much . Everyone is different but I have cried so much sometimes it has overwhelmed me you cannot believe you are living this nightmare of loss. I have tried to let beautiful memories wash over me but grief is painful. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain all I can say is cry scream do everything your way .people told me be strong but if I wanted to show my feelings in my own home and not be brave in front people I have .Talk to your Jasonlook at photos if it helps and hold on to the love and memories you shared and hopefully it will ease your pain and sorrow just a little as nothing can ever take that away even if this cruel disease does .I am sorry you have had to join this group but we are here and I hope you find a little comfort to get you through your loss Please take care of yourself Coconut53 ✨

Thanks everyone for your lovely replies, it eases  my mind knowing i'm not going mad and that others feel the same.

I've just woken from another restless night, even with the sleeping pills i still feel like i've gone 3 rounds with a boxer, 

i've tried sleeping with his pillows lined up behind me, wearing his clothes, spraying his aftershave but i still can't get used to him not laying next to me.I have photo's everywhere and i talk to him all the time, but i'd give anything to feel his arms around me one last time.

We had our first granddaughter in April and i know she sees grandad as she will hold her hands out and smile when there's no one near her, they say children see those who have passed and i'm so jealous, when did we as adults lose this ability?

Thanks again for taking the time to read and answer my post.

Love and peace xx

So true.  Comes from the heart of someone that is experiencing this awful journey.  

X loraine 

Hello Coconut53, I lost my wife on 12/10/2019, to lung cancer, two weeks ago my doctor sent me for a scan as I had told her I felt breathless at times, only today she called me to explain I have a few dark patches on my lungs, she knows about me working in construction, and demolition in the past, and she has asked if I worked in asbestos environment, sadly I have which I told her, how did your husband come into contact with that nasty natural component ( Asbestos ), and how long did he work in it please.

Hi there I am so sorry for your loss and now you are I’ll as well.we on here all know how hard it is to lose a partner and I am sorry I have not been on here for ages but I have struggled with losing my Jim but enough about me.

Jim was exposed asbestos in the eighties working clearing out the old post offices for the Royal Mail no one was warned of the dangers no protective clothing he was the labourer on the job so he carried all the waste in his van and cleared the dust swept and disposed of that all. 

36 years later a few months after retiring it was July he went from being a fit healthy 67 year old to being very unwell he was told in November he had Mesothelomia and given3 months to live .He died in my arms in our bed and 2 years and 4 months later my heart is broken and I still can’t believe this asbestos was allowed to go unnoticed by company’s they all knew it was there but it was to damned expensive to protect people like you my husband and all the victims of asbestos exposure.

 I do hope you can be helped if possible my love but if you want to chat and I can help to ease the pain of losing your wife by chatting about trying to cope I will try.

 I dream about Jim we are together in dreams I never used to believe in afterlife but I know he is flying high and resting easy now please take careCoconut53

hi Karen so sorry for your loss. It is still early days for you but to be just coming to terms with the cancer and hoping for a cure to have him taken by a heart attack seemed so unfair. I know what you mean when you say your family panic when you cry but cry you must dont try hold it in and dont be afraid to cry with them. Its nearly a year since I lost my husband to throat cancer and still find the tears dont stop. But I am doing things again and find that I now have to do all the things around the house he did so I am busier than I was. It will take a long time to even feel bad to normal then something else happens and you are back to square one but each time you have to start again but until then cry when you need to and always remember jason

hugs and kisses to you mary