Hi I’m new to the group.
We have recently lost our dad to mesothelioma. He had had several fouls a of immunotherapy but it was decided in January that he would start chem although the lump had shrunk. He had his fourth round of chemo the day before he died. His death was sudden and unexpected, his consultants were happy with his progress. He woke in the early of Wednesday 29th April with difficulty breathing. He was admitted to hospital where he deteriated quickly and sadly passed in the afternoon.
I do not think as a family we have really grieved for him. Six months have now nearly passed, still the grief is there. Just wish he was around to talk to.
Hi Bigguy14
Welcome to the Online Community.
I am really sorry to hear that you lost your Dad to mesothelioma in April. I can understand that this must have come as a shock to you when his consultants were happy with his progress.
My own experiences of bereavement are that 6 months is still early days, particularly when things happen unexpectedly. I found that grief came in ebbs and flows- a bit like waves. Sometimes I felt ok, sometimes I did not. In my family we all seemed to experience grief in different ways but had many similar experiences. Thinking back the first couple of months I felt pretty numb and almost as if it hadn't happened. I think partly because also everything happened very quickly- from the diagnosis to losing them. We felt a whole range of emotions as a family. Sometimes sadness and yearning. I also remember wishing the person was still around to chat to. Sometimes we felt anger at the cancer. Sometimes there were feelings of bargaining and the "what if's". What if the cancer had been found earlier. What if we had...... etc
We found as a family the adjusting was tough and did not happen overnight. For me I found sticking to routines where possible helped- school runs, work, grocery shopping- everyday things needed to be done and that helped particularly in the first few months. I suppose in a way it helped to process things stage by stage.
I found Home - Cruse Bereavement Support helpful in understanding the grief we were going through as a family. I also saw my GP for support. It may be worth contacting your GP if you feel some counselling may help.
I think going with the flow did help a bit- and just accepting that some days would be tougher than others.
Several years have now passed and I believe that in time we just learnt and understood how to deal with grief better. We still talk about her within the family and it does help keep memories alive. There is still sadness at times when there is a new family occasion- I found you don't only grieve for what you have lost but what that person has missed out on in the future. We are at that stage now though where we think of her as a Mum and the things she did and meant to us- rather than reliving the short time she had cancer.
Why not give the Macmillan Support Line a call and talk things through on there. They are there from 8am-8pm daily. Talking helped us begin to process things.
Do get in touch if we can offer any more support. Sometimes just writing things down can help.
Jane
