Hi,
I lost my beloved Mum, best friend and right-hand woman just under 4-weeks ago to metastatic lung cancer.
Her funeral was today, I’ve spent so long making sure it was perfect, writing my eulogy and making sure people knew, and now as I sit at home after it all, I can’t remember most of it, I am heartbroken as I feel like this was my final goodbye to her and yet, I feel like my grief has taken over and I can only remember small snippets.
Is this normal? Will some memories of it come back? I took a couple of photos but not many so I’m hoping in time I find comfort in these, but right now I’m beside myself at the prospect of remembering so little about her final day.
Thank you.
Hi Mulli3
I am so sorry to hear that your Mum passed away from cancer.
I remember my own Mum's funeral and we all reacted in different ways. There is no right or wrong way. I remember feeling pretty numb on the day and as if I was just going through the motions. Parts of the service were a blur so I do not think that what you are experiencing is unusual or in anyway wrong. I think sometimes it is a way of coping with something so upsetting. I remember that after a while memories of the day did come back bit by bit, partly from talking with other family members and partly just with time. For me I think it may have been a bit of a coping mechanism.
I found that grief is not a straightforward journey and there can be many ups and downs along the way. The best advice I can give is to go with the flow with your emotions and just accept that it is very normal to feel all over the place for a while. Thinking back to my own family- there were feelings of numbness, upset, yearning, anger towards the cancer and we all coped in different ways.
I found Home - Cruse Bereavement Support helpful. For me it helped to know that how I felt was normal and that it was expected. Talking to those closest to me helped, at other times I didn't want to talk at all. I had a young child at the time and tried to keep up with routines such as school runs, work, meal times and bed times etc. At times I didn't feel like eating but it can really help to try to eat something light and regularly. Listening to music and watching a bit of light hearted tv also helped. I also found it helpful to go for local walks in nature just to clear my head a bit.
It is very early days and at the moment if your experience is similar to mine- I needed to take a week off work and just take it easy. We do have the Macmillan Support Line there everyday from 8am-8pm if it would help to talk to someone. Cruse also has a help line that you can access from the link I have put.
I am really sorry that you have lost your Mum and I know it is really hard at the moment. We are here for you when you need us.
Jane
