I lost my husband Thursday evening. I'm so lost. I hurt so much. And now I'm starting to feel all panicky. I have woken up at 2am and trying to calm down. I just wanted to sleep all night to switch off. I slept longer last night but struggling more tonight. Just wanted to put it out there .
He had been diagnosed with lung cancer and had been to a first appointment to discuss treatment the day before, it had been as good as could be expected and he took a turn for the worst at home and was gone.
Hi Jaybee welcome to the forum though I am so very very sorry to hear about the sudden death of your husband. There are no words that I can say to make any of this any easier for you. However, I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you as are others. Sending some huge big 
hugs. Gail xx
Hello Jaybee,
I am so sorry to read your post. What a terrible shock, when you thought your husband was going to be able to start treatment and then he went so suddenly. It just seems so very unfair. He is in a good, safe, pain-free place now but you are the one reeling from the shock and the pain.
I don't know how much I can help and reassure, but as I read your post I thought of suggesting to you that you have a look at the forum for people who are awake at night. I can't remember what it's called but it's on here and I'll try and find it and post you the link. As well as this forum for bereaved family and friends, the nighttime chat forum might help you to find people in a similar place to you right now.
Your raw grief and pain is entwined with the shock, right now. Be gentle with yourself. If you cannot sleep, try not to fret over that. Can you talk to your husband? Does looking at his photo help? or do you just feel you want to shut out the world, shut out life, and retreat into your tears? or maybe, the tears cannot come yet?
I am glad you have been able to put out here how you are feeling, but your emotions will ebb and flow and maybe for a long time yet. If you can, keep talking, keep sharing how you feel. You are very much not alone.
Sending you loads of hugs
Under the word "Forums" if you scroll down, there's a category that says "Awake and up all night" and if you go into that, you will find people who for all kinds of reasons cannot sleep, cannot settle. It may help you realise you are not alone and it can be very comforting to have people to share those long painful nighttime hours with.
