Bit lost after losing Dad

Hi there, sorry to read of your loss. My dad passed away 18/12 of penile cancer, after a diagnosis in late 2020.

I'm sure it must be really difficult getting your head around diagnosis and loss so suddenly. I can't imagine.

It really is so strange to lose a parent. I am still in disbelief nearly 3 months later, but do feel I'm grasping it more since the funeral a few weeks ago (we had an 8 week wait for funeral because of xmas etc etc). I read a poem at dad's funeral which I managed, but I couldn't look up at people. It's amazing if you can read the eulogy, you could have someone as a back up to help you if you start to struggle. But also... don't worry if you can't do it at all. I'm sure your dad would be proud of you for loads of things - eulogy reading or not.

I just wanted to pass on a few things which have helped me in the last weeks...

- Talking to people who I know have lost a parent. No one is the same and no one's relationship with their parent will be the same as yours with your dad, but there will be similar feelings and some good advice.

- Doing things that make you feel 'close' to your dad when you are in the right mood to do so. For me that's listening to music or being in nature. 

- Keeping busy. I'm sure there is some grief 'delay tactic' to this, but for me it's better to be doing something than to be thinking too much. 

- Talking to people about your dad. I hate the idea of him being 'gone' and 'forgotten' (though of course he never will be) and I like to talk about him/silly things he did/things he liked. I hate the idea of avoiding the subject.

- Planning something after the funeral like a day out to a favourite place/trip away/fundraising event (or whatever it may be) to remember your dad. I've found it weird post-funeral to not have something to plan.

Good luck and keep talking/lean on your friends and family.

Thank you so much for your reply HannahMAK, and sorry to you also for your Dad. It's certainly a strange time. I live very far away from my childhood home and I just keep expecting him to be sat in his chair still. But I guess it's only been just over a week so that's probably natural.  That is great advice and I was toying with doing a family meal in his favourite restaurant or something the day after the funeral, so I shall suggest that to the family. And well done on getting through the poem! I only hope that I can achieve the same. I do have my husband on hand to step in should I find it impossible. But I'm really trying to prepare myself mentally to get through it. Thank you once again for your kind response. It really does help hearing other people's experiences of it. Xx

Not sure how far away you are, but my family home is south London and I'm in Yorkshire, so I do understand it's strange being away. Try not to feel bad - you can't be there all the time. But you can ask people to check in on your mum if she's ok with that (dropping off a meal is a great/caring help we found).

Meal at his favourite restaurant sounds like a lovely idea! I found I didn't get to speak to people properly at the funeral/wake, as so many people I've not seen in a long time. So be good for you to have some time with your nearest and dearest to catch up as well.

Definitely ask your husband for help then. You may surprise yourself on the day of the funeral (I did but again everyone different). It's all so surreal, be kind to yourself and take care x

Thank you so much again. I'm at the end of Cornwall and Mum is in North Wales! So quite the trek but luckily have 2 sisters quite close by. Thank you again for taking time to reply xx