My Mum passed away in the early hours of yesterday morning. She was being cared for at our local hospice. I saw her every day during the last few weeks/months and it has been really difficult to see her health decline on a daily basis. My Dad passed away just over 10 years ago to cancer also and since then I have done an awful lot to support my Mum in so many ways. It’s been such a rollercoaster and I feel a weird sense of calm right now. I know reality will catch up with me. I have been on autopilot for so long but for now, I am mostly at peace. Mum was so poorly and I cannot wish her back in that way. I just wish I could rewind to a time before cancer came along and destroyed everything. I suppose a part of me is relieved - relieved that Mum is no longer in pain and relieved that I can now have a little bit of space and time. There is so much to do and think about but none of that is urgent - not compared to the past few months. My phone had been going crazy with calls regarding appointments and arrangements for Mum, my head was in a whirl with it all, I was still working throughout and all the time trying to keep some sense of normality. I have only ever tried to support my Mum and do the best for her and she knew that. I cannot believe the last few months have happened really. The hospice offer a variety of bereavement support and I will certainly make use of it. I have a call this week via my GP for wellbeing support so will keep that too - it’s actually very timely I think. Much love to you all.
I’m so sorry to hear of your mum passing. Sending love and support to you. Your post really relates to me, my mum has cancer, a brain tumour, and we have been told this is the last few weeks, it’s almost been two years since the first diagnosis and it’s been a complete roller coaster. I’m stuck in a place of feeling like I already lost my mum two years ago, but knowing she’s still here and getting to make memories with her is so special. But I also feel like how much she has deteriorated recently is so hard to watch, I feel like her quality of life is just not good and I just feel stuck in limbo. Trying to get on with life but also knowing soon it will be a life where my mum isn’t here, I go through days of feeling like I just want it to happen so she can be at peace and so that we can move forward and have a path to peace moving forward, instead of waiting for the most horrible thing to happen, but then on another hand I just don’t want my mum to die, I don’t want her to go. I can’t imagine her not being here. My heart breaks every day but I also feel numb to it and just want to find some normality.
I really feel like your post has made me feel like my feelings are normal and I hope you can find peace and happiness moving forward too. Thinking of you and your family 
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