My mum had an aggressive form of bowel cancer and lost her fight today after a 6 month battle. It's all happened so quickly they were preparing for her to come home and start physio but unfortunately she got covid then a blood clot on her lung and then today her organs shut down and she died peacefully holding my hand.
I know grieving will be difficult, but I have severe anxiety and depression and am under the care of the community mental health team. I have 3 small children and the oldest is autistic, my brother lived with my mum and struggles with social interaction because of agoraphobia and I'm worried for him.
I promised my mum I would look after him and her grandchildren and fight to be mentally well again. I think I've made promises that are just too huge. But I will do my best. I'm 34 I have a few physically health conditions which I hope I can manage and live to see my children grow.
I suddenly feel very alone and scared. I would love to speak to people who understands this huge hole left behind by my mum.
Hi Lauren 0406 welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved mum and so quickly. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying especially about the big hole left 
y the loss of your mum. I was a few years older, but not many, when I lost my Mum and in my head my world had come to an end and I went on to develop severe depression. That was 25 years now and I tink of her and miss her everyday of my life. However, I do know as time has gone on she instilled in me Values, ideas, and love for others. I feel certain that your mum will have done the same for yu but right now you won't see that for the sadness. Please talk to your mental health nurse/team and they will support you as you need them to but it's OK to not be ok so please remember that bit aswell. Sending some heartfelt ️ hugs your way for now xxx
gail
Thank you so much for your reply. It's nice to know that others have felt the same. I don't always know what I'm feeling, it's such a strange feeling. When I was 10 my dad passed away and that was awful but this just feels different, maybe because this time I'm an adult and it was peaceful and I'm old enough to understand more.
I will continue to communicate with my mh team. Thank you again 
Hi sweetie
How are you doing? Is there any support you can access? The heartache from loosing a loved one is awful. I hope you have family and friends around you to help support you during this time. I'm so so sorry for you loss hun xxx 
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