Feeling so angry

Hello Sisterleylove32 

I have just noticed your post and felt I should reply. I am so sorry to read about your brother and his treatment in the final few months of his life. please accept my condolences.

We all expect to be treated with respect and dignity and this is a standard which should be maintained in every care/nursing home and although there are standards, they aren't always met. I know it's hard dealing with a loved one's illness from a distance (even locally) and it's obvious he didn't receive the care and attention he should have had in his final days.

My thoughts go out to you here and whilst you have the feelings you have, at this time I would now concentrate with your remaining brother on giving the deceased the send off he deserves - as a very much loved brother.

Once the funeral is over - then vent your anger at the lack of care he received through the proper channels - your input will stop other patients at that care/nursing home receiving the treatment your brother had and should lead to care standards being improved.

i do hope the above helps, please do reach to to me and the Community if we can help you. I am fighting prostate Cancer myself and as one brother died of it, just a reminder for your other brother to have a PSA teat done if he's not already had one.

Best wishes - Brian.

Thank you Brian for your kinds and wise words.  I’m drafting the complaint as therapy but wisely won’t act on it for a while.  Good luck and best wishes 

Hello Sisterleylove32 

It's not a problem. My mother in law was in a "care" home that we had plenty of issues with and due to our many complaints the CQC eventually closed it down - meaning we had to move mum at very short notice - but it was for the best. You are doing the right thing!!

As for the Prostate Cancer, I have been on my personal journey for 33 months - i am doing fine thank you - "on a curative pathway" but the help and support I received from the ordinary members of the Community made me stick around and eventually becoming a formal volunteer for Macmillan.

Happy to help if I can do anything for you. 

Kind Regards - Brian.

Hi, I'm so very sorry for everything. No one talks about the desperation surrounding death, how hard you want to make their passing easier, losing someone you love is hard enough without being let down by people who say they care. I lost my Dad in March from a brain tumour, took care of him for weeks with no support till the last week of his life. Even then it wasn't enough. I'm angry too and I feel so broken for you. I hope it's okay to say but when I'm angry sometimes I just let myself be, i don't fight it. I hate the fact I'm even angry as I'm not an angry person, but you're forced to be because you feel someone has to be the voice for your lost loved one. It doesn't get easier with time, but you learn how to not let it consume you. You're going to be okay, as okay as you can be. Feel whatever you are feeling and when you're alone and feel like no one understands or listens, know people care still. Your brother matters and so do you. 

There are always people who will listen, use your voice wisely and don't let anger consume you, direct it towards change and support. You are not alone. Sending love. 

Thanks for your really kind words.  I will submit my appraisal as I like to call it, but it will be damning as it’s was largely a negative experience and the final care wasn’t good at all. But I’ll do it when the time is right, definitely after the funeral. It’s been really therapeutic to get all my jumbled thoughts typed up on a document.  It’s not for revenge, I hope no other family will have to experience what we did.  Wishing you well with your healing process.