Can’t get the last few weeks out of my head

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my dad 3 weeks ago to bowel cancer , he has lost so much weight and has had enough towards the end. I totally understand how you feel and how it’s so hard to think about that time. Although it’s very difficult, it’s really important to try and talk about those weeks and your feelings, I think counselling could really help. Years ago I lost my uncle to cancer also, and the ending was just awful for me to witness, I buried those feelings and tried to ignore it, but it came out in other ways, in the years after I had panic attacks, huge anxiety etc and it really impacted my life. So when I found out that my dad was dying I made myself sign up to counselling and it’s really really helped. Sometimes I can’t really speak and we just sit there together, and that’s absolutely fine. I really hope you can find a way to cope , and as I’m told , it does get easier xxxx

We just have to take one tiny step at a time in copying with grief , sometimes we go backwards before forwards . Try to think of the good times rather than focusing on the pain . Sending hugs 

kegs 

Thank you for sharing this Sarah, and sorry to hear about your dad. 
I was seeing a counsellor for a while when mum got her diagnosis but I’ve not been to her in a while, so perhaps I will reach out to her for some more sessions. 
l definitely don’t want to just try bury everything- but would like to be able to think about mum without thinking about what the cancer had done to her,

I hope that you’re doing okay and looking after yourself. Xx

Thanks Kegs, 

I have been trying to remember the positive things but sadly the intrusive thoughts take over, so I end up just avoiding thinking about her at all which isn’t ideal. 

Hi there, My husband passed just over two weeks ago from kidney cancer, The last three weeks prior to his death was horrendous. We were caring for him at home and the pain relief was not at the right level. He also had a fall in the bathroom, and we struggled to get him up. He kept getting out of bed and trying to go downstairs every ten minutes. (Terminal Agitation). My son, daughter and I ran a tag team to be there 24/7. It was hugely traumatic, so I understand you trying to avoid these difficult thoughts. 

I refuse to repress this trauma, as I know it will finish me off if I let it build up. When the thoughts are really bad at night, I let the tears flow. I talk to myself in a comforting manner and say things to myself like, “the suffering has ended now”, “my love for you will always be there,” and “I miss you so much”. I cry myself to sleep every night, but I still know it is the right thing to let the pain out. 

I am so sorry for your pain, and completely understand. Kind regards.

Hi there I am sorry for you’re loss I lost my partner the love of my life two weeks ago to stage 4 lung cancer but again they did not control his pain correctly which left him being. taken into hospital and died the week after. He also fell and ended with a tumour across his back I can’t get my head around it all I am really struggling xx

Hi Ruddo, I am so sorry you are going through this intense pain. Psychologically, it is something that is hugely shocking. My husband was the love of my life too, we would have been married 36 years in December. There are so many emotions that are all incoming at the same time. Pain, sadness, disbelief, shock. Our son and daughter {who helped care for him.},are having horrible nightmares about his last few days in the hospice. I am really concerned about them. 

I thought that I would try and understand how grief affects the mind, and went on the Cruse Bereavement website. I would recommend a visit if you can. It is really detailed in explaining about how the brain processes grief, and gives really helpful advice on the best way to stay sane. I do feel a bit calmer. Kind regards.

Thank you so much I do really appreciate this.Theres many emotions to come I know this, Sending you strength xx

Carol 

Hi Kate, 

Thank you for sharing your experience, mum was similar, the agitation was so hard to deal with. We were also caring for mum at home and I’m still here at her house, I think I’m avoiding going home to mine as it’ll mean it’s actually happened if that makes sense. 

I think you’re right, I shouldn’t try to repress the trauma, I don’t think I’ll get to dealing with the overall loss until I accept that the last few weeks happened. 

I hope that you’re doing okay xx

Hi Dawn, I am feeling calmer, and more able to cope. I have had several meltdowns over the past week, and my eyes were so puffy I had to get some under eye de-puffing treatment so I didn’t look like an alien at the funeral.{Last Friday}. I was calm on the day, and everyone said what a beautiful service it was. 

One of things I am doing is ‘talking to my husband’ throughout the day. I find it comforting to say things like, “ You are not suffering anymore”, “I miss you so much’ and “My love for you is beautiful”.This seems to soothe me, and the emotions are not as intense.If you have the courage, I would go back to your house, even for a short while. Sending you healing thoughts. Kind regards.