I am with mind, mind told me about macmilan chat because my mum pass away 9 years ago this year she had cancer she was 48 I was 23 when was pass then I loss my neighbour this year I was really closer to her she was 69 I turn to her like my 2nd mum when my neighbour told me in August time she had liver cancer it's bring memories back with my mum that why I with mind I do feel loss that why mind told me to go on macmillan chat that why I joined
Hello Matthew
Welcome to the Online Community- I am glad that Mind told you about Macmillan and I hope that we can offer some support.
I am really sorry to hear about your Mum and your neighbour. It is really hard to have people you care about going through cancer and I understand that losing your neighbour has bought back memories of your Mum. I think that is very natural in the circumstances.
I also have lost family members and friends to cancer and each time it does stir up memories. I have found that grief can affect everyone differently and even in the same family we can have different ways of coping. What i found though is there is no easy way or quick solutions- it takes time and working through bit by bits and in time the happy memories happen more.
I wonder if you have heard the stages that some people go through- denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. It's no wonder it can take time and stir up memories.
Do you have people around you to talk to? I found it helpful to keep talking to others and sometimes when someone has died- people can avoid bringing them up for fear of upsetting people- keep talking about your Mum and your neighbour and try and focus on the happier memories. Maybe think of putting together some sort of memory box- it doesn't have to be anything big or complicated- even just a box with some photos, maybe write things down- sometimes this can be helpful.
I hope some other people will come along soon and offer their support and experiences. But I am glad that you have found us.
Jane
Hi Matthew
I am glad you have some support from Mind.
I think when we lose someone we are close to it is natural to worry that it could happen to us as well.
I am sorry to hear that you have ulcerative colitis and that is also what Mum had. With anxiety as well it must be hard for you. Are you getting any support with the anxiety besides what is connected with the bereavement and what Mind is helping with?
Having had cancer myself I do have anxiety about it coming back. However sometimes that anxiety can actually help keep us safe as we are more aware of what is going on in our bodies and if there is any change we would get checked out. When something is going on it is better to find out early.
With Mum's cancer is there anything that is connected to the Ulcerative colitis that makes you worry it could specifically happen with you? Sometimes there are cancers that can occur within families but what I have noticed through my own treatments and whilst sat in hospital waiting rooms is that cancer can be random- I have seen people of all different ages, sizes, nationalities - it can and does affect many people.
If you are worried in particular about your own Ulcerative colitis- have you spoken with your doctor as to find out what actual risk there is that this could raise your chances of having cancer. I presume also with having what I believe is a long time condition, that you would be being monitored regularly- so in a way it is keeping you safe, as IF there was a risk then you are being checked.
Also perhaps chat to your GP about whether there is anything else that you could do to help keep generally healthy and reduce any risks. Also it may help to be told what sort of things to look out for and when to come in.
I find with worrying about things such as cancer- it is about chipping away at it bit by bit and taking practical steps to cope. It is very natural to feel like you do after losing Mum and then your neighbour.
Would meeting up with others in a similar situation help? There may be some support in your local area. If you gave the Support Line a call tomorrow they could have a look for you.
Some people also find Cruise helpful.
Home - Cruse Bereavement Support
Jane
