Hello all
I am not too sure what I am looking for writing on here. Maybe it is just a way to get it all out, but I would be grateful for any support.
My dad was diagnosed with mandible cancer 4 years ago and battled so courageously for 3 and a half years. He had 2 major operations, radiotherapy, chemotherapy and immunotherapy. We was told during his treatment the cancer was terminal but it was something none of us accepted. I’m sure it was denial, a way to protect ourselves, but myself and my family truly believed dad would beat it, that a miracle would happen. He was SO brave, such a fun, loving, caring man whose positivity didn’t waiver once, which I think also made us cling on to hope.
Dad’s lungs were starting to be impacted by the immunotherapy which eventually was stopped. He was struggling there’s no doubt, but he was still just dad. I saw him on a Wednesday, he was laughing, joking as always. That night he was struggling to breathe so was admitted to hospital. All of our family were with dad on the Thursday, he was on top form, joking with the nurses and being his cheeky self. That day, was the first day anyone had spoken to us about how long dad had left and they said days. We couldn’t and wouldn’t believe it. How could they say the strongest, bravest, most incredible person only had days to live. The next day, dad passed away. We was all with him, thanking him for everything he did for us all, for being the best dad and husband and that we was so proud of him and love him more than anything.
It has been 7 months since dad passed, and it’s getting harder. I still can’t accept it and feel I am entering into a stage where I am getting annoyed at anyone trying to offer comfort. I am struggling at work, I am so worried about my mum and feel guilty any time I do something without her. My dad was only 65, I was 32. I am not married and don’t have children. Losing dad has made me question if I want those things now. It has made me question what the point in all of this is. If something like that can happen to dad, none of us are safe. A lot of people are lucky enough to think their dad is the best, I have no doubt mine was on another level.
Does it get easier? How do you cope? I have tried therapy but I still think it’s too soon. I would give anything in the world to have him back. It seems like a very long life to have without him
xx
