I won’t do anything, I have two children who need me. It’s been ten days since she passed away. Completely unexpected. Less than 3 months since diagnosis and a plan to treat it in place. 3 weeks ago I was on the phone to her around this time and then that was it. Our last conversation. Hospital, MRIs, CTs, we’re losing her. Hospice and gone.
She was so healthy and happy with plans. She was only 62. I am 30. I am too young for this level of grief and everyone keeps telling me I will never get over it and I believe them. Everyone has said to me it will be with me forever. And I think it hurts more because we are so close.
Holidays, birthdays, weekends, christmases are all spent together. I saw her most days and spoke to her every day. She didn’t want to die she was scared. And now I’m left to try and cope with the trauma of the last three months without any happy ending or reassurance.
I’m on maternity leave with my two month old daughter we were desperate for, with all these plans with my mum I will never fulfil. The only point in my life now is to make sure my children have a mum but aside from their happiness, I don’t see the point in continuing. I hope this changes but I don’t think I will ever move past it.
