Lost my mum and lost my self

I’m so sad for you. It is a cruel end to our most treasured loved ones. I lost my dad to oesophageal cancer last August. I am sending you a virtual hug. Keep letting it out on here. Try to remember the good times. It’s hard though, I know. Look after yourself. Give yourself a pamper day or something like that. Take care of yourself. You aren’t alone. 

Hi thank you for your response it's so hard to remember the good times at the moment coz all I see is the horrific end. I know I need to do something nice I have been isolating my self a bit I just don't enjoy anything I use to like any more nothing seems to matter any more and I'm so tired of pretending I'm ok because the world has kept spinning but mine has literally stopped I find it easier to stay in and not have to put a pretend smile on my face 

Darling34, it’ll be 3 years this July since my Mum died. They think her Cancer started in her lungs, but by the time it was diagnosed it had gone into 3 major organs, lymph nodes, and spine and possibly her brain. I was told on the Monday it was terminal with weeks to live, and she died the next day.. I was with her and held her hand to the end. I’m 20 yrs older than you and it wasn’t any easier, and all the heartache & emotions still trip me up even now, especially as a month after finalising my Mums Estate ( I was her Executor), I was diagnosed with Cancer myself, so I am on that journey now.

i can’t say things will get better, I think we adjust to live with the loss…. I watched both my parents take their last breaths, and although I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it, I’m pleased they weren’t alone and my voice was the last they heard.

i have sat and gone through old family photos, I laugh, cry, remember the fun times, they help to lessen the last few bad memories.

 there are so many stages of grief , big hugs to you on the rollercoaster ride.

Hi there, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this as well and to top it off get cancer your self is just unimaginable I am so scared that I to will have cancer I am having genetic testing but I'm petrified I have no idea how you manage to deal with that as well you much be one strong person. I to was with my mother I looked after her every second right till the very end and I am pleased I done that for her I have no idea how I found the strength to do it it changed me forever doing it I know that much and like you I had to do it twice I don't know anyone in person that has had to do it twice so noone can really understand what I'm going through I think that's why I message here because nobody else can possibly know what it's like if you haven't lived it. Time goes on so fast and the world keeps spinning but I know for me I'm still back there in that moment and I hate it I hate feeling so sad and in pain all the time. Thank you for your reply I really wish you well and some good luck xx

Believe me you’re very strong too, and there is no doubt that both your parents are very proud of you for what you did for them.

I was a horrible, horrible person for at least a year after Mum died, shouting at everyone around me, spitting venom to all. They say there are 5 stages of grief… think I had them on repeat Every day.!!! 
be kind to yourself, there’s no time limit on how we’re feeling, but maybe if things get too much a chat with your Doctor could be an option for you, don’t hold these feelings in as they only fester.

best wishes

Julia x

Hello.

I lost my mum recently to Cancer. We went through 12months of appointments, treatment, scans, medication which removed her original diagnosis of breast cancer but 6 months after the all clear, the scans taken before xmas started to show it had spread to her brain with no further treatments available and a life expectancy of 6 weeks - 3 months.

Christmas was hard and emotional when we all knew it would be her last. Every moment was precious. I'm 33 and always have been incredibly close to my mum. She was my best friend and the thought of living without her is terrifying and upsetting. 

Like you, I have absolutely no idea how to deal with it. Part of me still believes she's just gone on holiday and will walk back through the front door at any moment. I'm waiting for the reality to hit and dreading the funeral.

I keep telling myself that she would be fuming if I wasted moments of my life dwelling in my own thoughts and sadness but sometimes, I think there's going to have to be those moments to heal. 

Hi lovely, I remember that time like it was yesterday we had a Christmas just like that it was the hardest things to do of my life to try and make a memory knowing it was the last. I remember the time leading up to the funeral was extremely hard however It was busy people were there asking how you were and what not even though I didn't want to be asked how I was at the time looking back it passed the time and got me by. For me it was after the funeral I suffered most the moment where the world kept turning for everyone but me maybe you will be like that to by the sounds of it. I to even a year on believe she will be here when I open the door my heart yearns and looks for her every day of my life. It's been an absolute rollercoaster however I will say the rollercoaster was every minute is now every day so I can wake up on and end the day in tear I tell my self a lot one day at a time and when it was fresh like you I said one minute at a time don't look to far ahead because it hurts to much breath and take it one minute and one feeling at a time it truly is the most painful thing I have ever done but grief is the price of love I tell my self i could have been one of these people who had no relationship with their mother that thought helps me i was loved and i loved her in return we had a great relationship that i am so greatful i had the chance to have even if it didnt last as long as i hoped it would. I am always here for a chat you are going through the worst thing ever and it's very fresh for you and I remember exactly how that felt take care of your self take time for you and be kind to yourself xxx

I could have literally wrote this myself . I lost my mum to oesophageal cancer on January the 4th this year. It was only 4 months from diagnosis to her death and I’m struggling to cope with the speed at which everything happened. She really did suffer right until the end so I know how you’re feeling. You’re not on your own I guess we just need to be kind to ourselves and we will get through it. Look after yourself