Hi
My oldest sister died of a rare form of bone cancer when she was just ten years old. However I was born two years later. My family have always shared stories about her with me, and on the anniversary of her death we scatter flowers. They all have their way of grieving but mine is a very different feeling. I've always felt like an outsider when they are upset.
Has anyone had a similar experience? What helps you?
Hello LS161264
I am sorry to hear that your older sister died from bone cancer at such a young age and before you were born. I can understand that your family have wanted to share stories of her with you and that it has helped them.
I have experienced grief through losing a close relative to cancer but in different circumstances. I come from quite a big family and looking back I think we all grieved in our own way. It's sort of always been a go with the flow experience. Some days were better than others, sometimes it helped to keep busy, sometimes we needed time out. We still talk about her and she comes up in conversation often and with time we remember the good times. Life goes on but we are lucky in that we have our own personal memories. For you I understand that things are different in that you have never met your sister but she is still an important part of your family history. I suppose in a way I think about my paternal Grandparents- who I never met- and who I only ever really knew through family stories. Its different but then grief is a very personal thing and something perhaps to be worked through in different ways and at different times. I found talking to family and friends the best way to express how I feel.
You all have experienced grief but perhaps it would help to view it from different perspectives. They have lost a daughter after 10 years. You have lost a sister that you didn't have that same relationship with. You can't have- because you weren't born but she was still your sister. So your experience of grief and how you cope with it will naturally be different.
It is a fair few years now since we lost Mum and at the time I found Cruse helpful in exploring the different ways people experience and come to terms with grief. I will pop a link below in case it may help.
Home - Cruse Bereavement Support
We also have the Macmillan Support Line that you are welcome to call. The number is below and they are lovely on there.
Hope this helps a bit.
Jane
