Struggling…

Hello Cherry12 and welcome to the forum, i am so sorry to hear about your mum, as i lost my mum to cancer i know what a difficult time this is for you. I am afraid your dads from a generation  where the man goes to work and the wife does everything else, I know he has just lost his partner of 55 years, but if  he thinks you are taking over from your mum, maybe he has no reason to change, to be more independent' and learn to do things for himself. Cherry12 i do know you have to find time for yourself to grieve as it is obvious you are looking after everyone elses wellbeing and neglecting your own, Why not phone macmillan 0808 808 00 00 and see what support you can get for your dad please take care, Eddie

Hi Cherry, Such a short time from diagnosis to today, I'm so sorry to read that. I lost my mum in Sept after 8 months of palliative care which was traumatic for all involved.

My mum was married to my dad for 56 years. She did everything too - cooking, cleaning, banking. My dad is an analogue clock in a digital world. He can't cook, has his own health needs and worries and is overwhelmed being alone with everything.

I have my own family and fulltime job too, but now find I'm stressed out trying to check his meds, counsel him, offer support and try to pick him up from rock bottom, but how can I? My dad is alone in a silent house full of memories. We try to help and support him but it's so difficult with such a quiet, introvert and private person.

The only time I can find to grieve my mum is driving too and from work, or late at night. This can't be healthy but it's all I've got.

I’m so sorry to read this. Your story is so similar to mine. It’s so hard isn’t it? I wish I had answers or advice for you. We can only get through a day at a time x

There is no answer, or advise - you just have to carry on as best you can. There is no comfort knowing others are going through the same. To me it just makes the world seem an even crueller place. Once day at a time is my mantra.

I wish I had more time to grieve my mum, to look at photos and videos and just sit and think of memories. We've still so much still to sort out. I wish I knew more about her childhood, the sentiment behind things she owned and loved and their history. Answers to questions I'll never get. I just have to learn to live with that.