A year on

Hi Community poster I am so sorry for your year without your mum. I hope you get through the house sale ok and the loss doesn't feel too great or painful to cope with. Seeing the seasons change and thinking about them missing events, etc is hard. But i am glad you feel that peace for her too. 

I am about two weeks behind you, having lost my wonderful mum ownedbystaffies in the middle of last October. She was going downhill with stage 4 breast cancer, but the sudden downhill trajectory was unexpected and unpleasant. I will also have to sell my childhood home in the next year, and the thought is strange. My estranged relative is there at the moment, so that makes it even weirder, and I wonder how my mother would feel about that. I assume she would be very upset. 

I still text her often, as my way of sharing how I'm feeling and telling her and myself that im thinking about her. 

Good luck and keep in touch if you want to talk about her.

Hi i hope you dont mind me coming on this post. when i was first diagnosed with my secondary cancer your mom was one of the people who reached out to me. I have been on here trying to find out how she was. I am so sorry to hear through this post that she has passed away. She was a very kind lady who always new what she was talking about and was a big help to me. I can not believe i have been looking out for her and to come accross this post. I am so very very sorry for your loss she was a really lovely lady. 

Thank you so muchwino for messaging. I had hoped I might find some people this way, to be honest. It means a lot to know she was connected to, helping and being helped by people here.

I'm sorry you had to find out this way. It was not the way I wanted it to go at all and we had the very long ambulance wait she once discussed as being so common now. I can't say she was ready to die but I was with her until the end and I was so grateful to be able to care for her and spend her last few days with her. She was a great woman and I thank you for your kind words about her. It touches me that she gave to others after her diagnosis and even when she was very tired.

It's getting really hard as the anniversary comes up, but I'm glad to meet you and I hope you're doing as well as can be expected. Xx

Hi 

So sorry to read post. I just lost my husband to bowel cancer almost 4 months ago after an almost 2 year battle. I am currently going through my first autumn/winter without him and as you say it can be so surreal that they are not here. Sometimes I forget he is gone but then it will hit me like a wave that he is very much so especially as it gets dark a lot earlier now. As a cruel twist of fate, my sister now also has bowel cancer but she has been told it has been caught in it's early stages and it may be a case where her's just gets cut out and she will make a full recovery and may not need chem or radiotherapy but just can't believe I am re-living this all over again. Yes ther are still a few firsts I need to get over without him too. My birthday next month (November) Christmas and he would have been 70 in February next year so just didn't make it. I had to sell our caravan in Argyll and Bute which we had for almost 8 years so it's similar to selling a house it was for our retirement to go and chill out and enjoy whenever we wanted but he got robbed of all that and I just cannot keep it going financially on my own. Someone sent me a photo today of where our caravan was as the weather in Argyll today has been horrendous and our neighbour who was next to us posted a photo to me today on Facebook and showed the riverbank with the river more or less covering it as that's where our van was sited and it just felt like a dagger to my heart to see it not there now. Our house is mortgage free so I still have roof over my head. I have toyed with the idea of moving but that would involve a lot of expense and it would may mean me renting somewhere as at my age I wouldn't get a mortgage and with capital if I sold this wouldn't get help with rent so I'm kind of stuck. I suppose I can count my blessings there that I don't have the stress of wondering how I will pay the mortgage. I still have my son and his partner they live not too far from me with my little granddaughter, and she is the one who keeps me going `my wee ray of sunshine` She just had her 3rd birthday a couple of weeks ago and he `papa` missed that. She was the apple of his eye when she was born and he was so emotional when he became a granddad and never thought he would see it happen.  Everyone is telling me I have been doing great and it does get better. It never leaves you but does get better. I just hope that's the case. My best wishes to you all going through this. 

xx

Wishing you all the best through Christmas and February. I hope you were able to celebrate your birthday as your husband would want you to and can find moments of joy coming up to Christmas. Thank you for your comment, at Christmas I will raise a glass to everyone going through bereavement knowing we aren’t alone in it. 

Sending you strength and perseverance.  I lost my dad end of September and I miss him so much