Hi I’m Lena I’m 21 years old 6 years ago I lost my dad to lung cancer , recently I have been in and out of the hospital myself and I have been suffering with server health anxiety due to the passing of my dad as it happened quickly and unexpectedly, I’m just looking for anyone who could give me some advice or if there’s someone going through the same sort of thing to talk to it about as I feel people who haven’t been through it won’t understand what it’s like x
Hi Lena
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dad.
What you are feeling is a normal part of grieving. It is also a natural human reaction to worry about your own health especially when your symptoms are similar to someone else's, in your case your dad, but could also be when reading an article or watching something. You will be getting the best care and support in the hospital. Sadly, cancer does not always have symptoms and can act act very quickly. Other times people will not acknowledge them so they don't get treatment in time. You are correct in that people don't understand if they haven't experienced it but this will make you a much stronger person.
Think what your dad would want you to feel - he would want you to be strong and healthy and live a full, active life. I have inherited poor kidney function and i remember some days were very tough for my mum but other days were fine and that treatment has advanced greatly over the last 40 years since she passed. Remember we all grieve at our own speed and in our own way. The pain never goes away but over time you learn coping strategies to help you through. Your own mind will control this to prevent you from feeling too much pain at the wrong time.
Remember your dad how he was when you were young - all the little things he said and done for you and the family. There may have been some sad days but there would be many happy ones - remember both with fondness as we all need both to learn from. Talk to your dad when and where ever you are and ask him to comfort, support and guide you. He will always be with you and you just have to open yourself to any sign that he is with you such as smelling his favourite aftershave, radio / tv retuning to his favourite, finding an unexpected white feather. He will always find a way to let you know he is near and you can take comfort from this. Ask him to help you feel more relaxed and to understand what is going with your own health.
Write down all your emotions - this will help get them out of your system. You can do this on your own or with others. You can keep these to refer to later if you feel similar to see how you coped or you can just destroy them. You can combine all your writings with photos to create a memory book about your dad which you can look back on whenever you want. you can also visit one your dad's favourite places such as the local park and talk to him there. A bird may come exceptionally close or you may feel a breath of wind on a perfectly still day - these will be a sign from your dad that he is near and is watching over you.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
