Loss of Mum

It gives me comfort to be here too. Oddly, (or not so,) I see myself and what I'm experiencing in all of your stories. My dad passed on ten days ago. All feels so strange. Nothing is the same. Like you, I'm torn between needing company and being alone. The feeling of isolation I can relate too all too well.

Sorry for your loss. I hope it gets easier!

Teri

Hi Terri

Thanks for taking the time to reply and I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad. I hope you are being kind to yourself and taking it slowly.

I did see a friend in the week which helped. We chatted a bit about Mum and the situation but also it was nice to do something "normal" together. I also went to a "bereavement cafe". It was mostly older people who had lost their spouse, so a little difficult for me to relate to that but nice in some ways to be around other people also experiencing loss.

You said you feel isolated but also remember that there are lots of us on this community in the same boat Weirdly I think it does provide a little comfort.

Take care

Thank you.

I think Bereavement is necessary. Im looking into some groups myself.

I do find comfort in this group.

Be well.

Teri

Hello

i am sorry for the loss of your mum. I can relate so much to what you are saying. My mum passed three weeks ago, I laid her to rest today. The last three weeks have been the hardest of my life. 
I am 46 and I feel cheated of loosing my mum, she was 75 and passed 4 days before her birthday. My heart goes out to you. The emotions are so intense. I feel so lonely. I have been fortunate with good friends but some I have found have kept their distance and just don’t know what to say. 
Hope things went ok with the solicitor and your brother is helping. 
One day at a time it’s all we can do xx

Hi Mille

Thanks for your message and I am so sorry that you find yourself in this boat also. I can relate to you feeling cheated. I look around and the majority of my friends still have both their parents. I try not to dwell on that though and be grateful for the times we did have.

Yes, I think that is common people not knowing what to say and some just avoid the topic totally......it doesn't mean it didn't happen though! I hope that there are some friends you can rely on them and that they are helpful.

It wasn't so bad with the solicitor but there is just so much admin. I think I have spent nearly 2 hours on admin this morning!

Yes, definately one day at a time. It is very tough and unpredictable from one day to the next.

I am going away for my birthday on Saturday as wasn't sure I could bear to be at home.

I hope you are all keeping as well as can be. Hugs.

It is a year tomorrow that my brave mum lost her fight with lung cancer.  My heart goes out to you all xxxx

Be kind to yourself, it's ok to be alone.  It's ok to want to be with people then decide it's too much.

It's ok to feel foggy. There's nothing wrong with you, you're grieving and it's your brain/body's way of keeping you protected.

It's ok to cry all the time, some of the time or not at all.  Anything goes, do what you need to survive at the beginning.

It's ok, more than ok to take time for yourself. To look after just you, do not feel guilty because your head, heart and soul need time to grieve.

It's ok to find joy, happiness and laughter in your day.  It doesn't mean you didn't love them any less.

It's ok that you're not the same person since they went, you will never be the same but you will be a new you.

I still miss her ever day.  She's my first waking thought and last thought before I go to sleep, life does go on even when I wished it wouldn't. Does it get easier?...I think I've got better at living with this new reality without her but it still hurts.  The heart wrenching, all consuming, drowning pain has subsided, its replaced with a constant dull ache of missing and longing I guess.

You are all in my thoughts and I wish you all love xxxx

Happy birthday Helen. Try and find the love and kindness in your day. Xx

Hi, just checking in hope you are coping. One year, you will have been though so much. My mum has only been gone 3.5 weeks, it feels like a lifetime ago. 
Thanks for your words. The only way I am coping is one day at a time.

Look after yourself xx 

Hello. I lost my mum a year ago, she was 76. I didn’t think I would ever go back to work. The best advice I was given was to take each day at a time, but more importantly if that was too hard then just an hour at a time is enough. So many people said to be kind to myself, and for me that was sometimes just not worrying that I didn’t know what to do with myself, just to navigate as slowly as I needed through the new world I found myself in. Taking the pressure off myself to look too far ahead into the future helped me find some peace in those initial days. To think about my mum and how lucky I am to be her daughter. One thing I saw online really resonated with me. Grief oscillates rather than following set stages. And when my body had cried as much as it could, for a time it would rest and not let me feel such pain on those days, and on those days I made the most of the energy and peace I had. 
I am now a year on and the overwhelming feeling I have is that she is moving forward with me. Sending me robins and butterflies all the while.

First I'd like to say, I'm sorry for your loss!

This  message was meant for me to see, so  thank you so much!

Just lost my dad 24 days ago. 

Its so hard to think about the future without my dad, or just to imagine how I will feel on this day,, or that holiday, etc...but I need to stay in the moment. Important reminder!

Take good care,

Teri