There he goes

I have just read this. I am so sorry your dad had a bad time. My dad’s last few days in a hospice, though they were lovely and looked after him as well as possible, were not pleasant for him a lot of the time. And I won’t forget the traumatic days he spent at home with us before he needed to go to the hospice either. Big hugs. xxx  

I know  how you feel. I’m still having flashbacks watching my husband pass away in May. We were with him through his final days right to the end at home. All the family together. I have feelings of disbelief, anger and extreme sadness. Such a cruel illness. I don’t feel it’s getting better in fact as the days go on it’s worse I have terrible thoughts and have lost my confidence. Keeping busy does help. I’ve been decorating, gardening and diy. All the time hoping he likes what I’m doing. We were blessed with three children and seven grandchildren in our fifty year marriage. This is where our strength is. We support each other as and when required. This is how we continue to get through the days and weeks. You will find your own way and hopefully you have a supportive family. Take care. I am so sorry for you loss. 

Hello,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. This will be such a difficult time for you. 
I lost my mum 3.5 weeks again and feel her final days were not managed well by medical professionals. My mum displayed agitation that could not be managed. I feel her advanced care plan was non existent other than she wanted to die at home what this may look like or what to expect was never discussed/explained. 
I try and take comfort from her final moments were peaceful and she had her family with her.

I intend to ask questions to those involved in my mums care to try and understand and to help them see where they went wrong. 
we had no warning the end was near until being told hours before she died this was it! 
End of life care at home in my experience is not good enough for our loved ones. Families need to be prepared. Plans need to be in place for our loved ones. 
Sending love and support during this heartbreaking time xx

I felt at a loss not knowing what to expect or what to do at different stages especially as our children were looking to me. But I didn’t know what was happening or why. Very hard to get through but we did it. I thought at the time there should be a leaflet or explanation of what to expect and what happens at different stages. But all that said we did get through it and who knows if it would have felt any different because we had information. The whole process was so so sad. 

I was fortunate to be with my husband when he passed on almost 4 months ago in hospital. It's not where he wanted to be when he went but unfortunately had no option because a 4th bout of sepsis put him back in hospital and that along with his cancer took him on the 23rd June. I didn't even realise he was `gone`. I was sitting at his bedside and he was going through that horrible gurgling breathing stage that happens near the end (death rattle they call it) then it stopped and I thought he had just fallen into another sleep as he was lapsing in and out of consciousness and when I went to give him a nudge he didn't respond before that I was rubbing his shoulders and he was batting my hand away but never even did that. I think that was when I knew he was gone and everything after that just sort of went into slow motion. There was a buzzer by his bed to call the nurses but I just walked out the room and down the corridor to the nurses station and just said `I think he's gone` then next  two nurses dashed to his room and sounded him and one said `yes he's now at peace` and then all I remember is sobbing very loudly and being taken to a side room. I like to think he is free of pain now and back with his family and loved ones who have all gone before. I sometimes forget he is actually gone but then hits like a wave that he is very much gone. This time of the year is the worst I am going through my first autumn/winter without him and it feels worse with the nights getting darker that much earlier now. I still have a lot of `firsts` to come. I just hope wherever he is he is watching over me and thinking I have been doing ok without him up until now. I still have dark days when I don't want to leave the house or even do anything around the house but hopefully these will become fewer as time goes on. People say it does get better maybe never leave you, but gets better I just really hope so. Take care everyone on here going through the same good we have this place to come to let our feelings out. Best Wishes going forward.

Vicky x

I am sorry for your losses. Nobody can take our pain away, but we can understand each other’s pain. My husband did not receive appropriate care in his last days of life and the cruelty of what he went through, and I witnessed, is difficult to carry. It was traumatic. It still hurts, almost 6 months later.  I am trying to learn to live with it. Sending hugs to all of you.

Hi all. I'm sitting in my living room on Xmas eve and really don't know what to do with myself. My wife passed away early Nov and we were together nearly 40 years, we met when we 18 and she was my soulmate my everything. When she started getting poorlybi quit work to stay with her 24/7 and I'm so glad I did. I hated seeing her so weak but I could see she needed me and wanted me with her. I still can't believe she's gone. It's like a bad nightmare that goes on and on and like you all I can't see how I can live without her. Everyone has been so kind, take it a day at a time, ring me if you need too etc but I just can't believe she's gone. I spend everybnight begging her to let me know she is with me, she can see me but nothing which breaks my heart even more if that's possible. What an evil disease, how can it just invade your life and take away the person you love more than life itself. Even though her prognosis was not good I never believed she would go, I always believed she would beat it and we would live another 40 years together. I just hope with all my heart and soul there is something after this life where we meet our loved ones again. 

We have two beautiful children who are in there 30s that loved and miss there mum so much. In all honesty she was a far better person than I could ever be, so it should have been me not her. I'd take her place in an instant. 

I don't have anything else but to say I know how you are feeling and share your heartache and pain. 

Take care

I have been told I will be able to cope better through time. But your grief will always be there. We have to accept grief for what it is and give ourselves permission to grieve. It’s ok.