We’ve just lost my sister who was 54 to Glioblastoma. She was a mum, daughter and sister and a wonderful, loving and rock to us all. Just 5 weeks! How do I and the family cope with this as I do not know where to start? Just thought I’d reach out.
Hi Bicep100
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your sister.
Openness. Talk to each other about how you are feeling and let the tears flow. Don not bottle up your emotions. Where and when ever you are you should always express your emotions, even in a busy supermarket - you can always pop to the toilet for 5 minutes or ask a staff member to watch your trolley while you go for fresh air. Your sister will always be there beside and will try comfort, guide and support you just as she always did. You have to open yourself to accept any signs that she sends such as smelling her perfume, radio / tv retuning to her favourite, finding an unexpected white feather. Visit her favourite place such as the local park, alone or with others, and talk to her there. If it is a perfectly still day you may feel a breath of wind or a bird may come exceptionally close to you. When you talk to her tell her how much you miss her and how you feel, ask her to comfort you and open yourself to any signs of calmness which will show she is there and supporting you. Over time your mind will learn coping strategies to deal with any triggers - the pain will be still there but you will learn how to deal with it.
A great way to express all your emotions is writing. You can write down whatever you feel and then afterwards you can bin it if you want. You could also work with all the family - even distant relatives - and friends of your sister to compile a memory book containing stories from her childhood, stories she was told by your mum and dad. You must include happy and sad times, good and bad things to give a true picture and be honest with your emotions. Include lots of photos. Include how you currently deal with your emotions - in the future you can reread this and then use the same coping strategies again if a similar situation arises.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you all a big hug.
David
