Still struggling over the loss of my dad.

Hello Starcatcher

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your Dad to cancer in August. I can understand that even though you have friends and family around the grief can still hit you hard. I also find anniversaries tough. I think tears are natural, in fact all feelings are natural and my advice is to go with the flow and let the feelings out in whatever way helps. With my Mum it was hard at the end and there are parts that were hard to remember but with time the happier memories tend to come through more but that was after a lot of processing time. It was a bit like my feelings were somewhat on hold while going through it and then once things "got back to normal" in other ways, that the sadness and grief came out. 

I understand in teaching it is such a full on job and you have to give so much each day both physically and emotionally. I know what you mean about your cup feeling empty. What helped for me in the end was a trip to my GP and a good check up and reassurance about how I was feeling etc. I wonder whether this might be an idea for you as you are feeling so run down. In the end I was signed off work for a couple of weeks and that helped- just to have a break and step back from it all. 

One thing I did that I found a mistake was to try to keep busy so I didn't think about it all. That was not good because I just became drained and it just delayed me working through the feelings. I found that when I accepted the feelings and expressed them, slowly but slowly I did begin to feel stronger.

Would it help to talk to someone? I am wondering that as you are teaching whether there is any sort of wellbeing support offered with your contract? I know some people in education are offered this. Your GP may also be able to help. Sometimes it feels easier to talk it through with those that are not closest. One thing I found also is that grief is not linear, it is very up and down but you need to express and work through each stage. I would have good days and bad days and eventually the good days outnumbered the bad days and this continued with time. 

Is there any support in your area? I will pop a link here so you can do a search if you feel that would help or alternatively you are welcome to give the support line a call. There number is below.

Emotional, financial and physical help for people with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support 

If you go to the bottom there is a search in your local area part

I hope this helps a bit. 

Jane

I'm new to here, just joined. I lost my daddy on the 9th of March this year. I'm normally a strong person but I can't do it. I don't know what to do. I lost my mum 6 years ago to Cancer, I'm currently not well and getting tests done, had an MRI last week. Never had panic attacks, first one was when my dad passed, then another one by myself and then was nearly going to have another in my MRI scan, felt shite all day in my chest as I stopped it from happening. My dad was my hero, miss him so much. X

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my Dad in January 2022 and I still feel shocked he isn't here 

Thanks for replying, how did you handle all the first? I had my birthday last week, I decided I was doing nothing and treating like a normal day. Alot of people around me said I was wrong and should celebrate every day. I knew what they meant, but all I wanted was my daddy. I hate the fast approaching father's day. I was a daddies girl and feel completely lost without him x

The firsts are v difficult. It is my birthday this weekend and of course Father’s Day which I am dreading!! My  dads birthday  the week after then his anniversary of his passing in August. I am feeling worried about it all. I want it all to pass without fuss but my dad would want me to celebrate my birthday and enjoy myself and my husband is a dad to our son so I can’t just ignore the day! Think what your dad would want for you and try and live by that. I’m not saying it will be easy but think your dad will be with you in spirit. Take care xx

Honestly I think I only coped because my son is only little so I just tried to be as normal as I could. My first birthday without Dad, I scrolled back through our messages and found his birthday text to me from the year before. He was always the first person to wish me happy birthday. There's no right way to get through it I think, just do whatever you can to cope. Life won't be the same again, but it is easier now to think of all the good memories. Thinking of you, I know it's so hard x 

Thanks for your reply. My husband has children, so will not be able to just pass Fathers days. My dads birthday is in August, definitely will find it hard.  Thanks again for your kind words. X

Thanks for your reply. My husband has children, so will not be able to just pass Fathers days. My dads birthday is in August, definitely will find it hard. Thanks again for your kind words. X

Thanks for your reply. I have a recording of my dad, saying I love you, I listen to it all the time. Not really ready to watch movies/ video clips yet. Just miss my dads advice, I would always go to him and spend hours on the phone. Thanks again for replying and kind words. X

Hello.

1. I know exactly what you're going through, while I was reading this, I can relate.  I lost my dad in june and feel like you do.  I was a daddy's girl, still am but was very close to him.  He had a profrated bowel in the end and we got told that news on Father's day of all days, they could of operated but he wouldn't of survived.  They were just making him as comfortable as could be. Like you I have a great support network but it's hard.  I work with young children and it's just not the same now, life has changed, even going to work.  I'm on a phased return do only doing a few hours here and there bit don't like to push myself too soon.  I'm struggling to remember my dad, bits appear here and there but just memories now, hope you're okay, we'll get through this together x