Hi everyone.
My dad was diagnosed with Bladder cancer last autumn, he's been having urinary symptoms for years but just tried to ignore it, he's very old school and didn't see the doctors until too late, when there was blood in his urine.
Dad is 85, had his TURBT (grade 3) and was staged at pT2, probably T3.
Treatment was determined for follow-up RT/chemo but his health and weight had dropped so much before christmas, at a follow-up clinic he was admitted to hospital as he'd been having falls, his weight was low, he was confused and had a UTI and chest infection. Dad shows moderate dementia. That's the worse part - my dad has been stolen, when I'm visiting, it's like he's not there. It's horrendous.
Has been on a rehabilitation ward for the last 2 months and doing a bit better (managed to get COVID in hospital), but now he's having palliative radiotherapy (3 fractions) and there's a full care package organised for his at home living. My mum has very very poor mobility (duff knee, looks like osteoarthritis) and has to use a frame to walk with.
I've been clearing the downstairs area of the house so a hospital type bed can be put in, there will be 2x carers coming in 4x daily.
I'll help out as much as possible, I don't live too far (manchester), my folks home is in liverpool. I have no siblings but we have quite a wide family and my cousins are helping - they're in the same position with their dads, my dad's brothers. I have family and full-time job here, I'm arranging with work some time off and with a future to re-arranging working time to some reduced hours in the short term.
Basically my dad is dying and it's just harrowing.
A few months ago I was in the acute distress stage. ... now I'm in the 'acceptance' phase of grief. Doesn't make it any easier.
My mum is also a bit in denial, she's talking about 'when dad comes home after his treatment and gets better we can sell this house and move' - they're in this huge unsuitable house that I told them 10 years to sell, they could have still done it 5 years ago, now too late.
I was looking at photo's from last year - both mine and dad's birthdays are around easter. This time last year he was sharp as a tack, mentally alert, could move around, had frequent urinary issues was getting a bit forgetful but was OK. .... now he looks like a concentration camp victim and can barely walk.
I hate this.
Hi JFK and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm sorry to read that your dad is so poorly and it's natural to have the feelings that you do.
As you know, the online community is divided up into different support groups, so I'm going to recommend that you join the supporting someone with incurable cancer group so you can connect directly with others who are in a similar position to yourself.
To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here, and join in with existing conversations by clicking on reply.
It would be great if you could pop something about your dad's diagnosis and treatment so far into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
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"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
