Lost after losing dad

Hi

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad to Small Cell Lung Cancer on 8th Feb 2022. He was diagnosed in June 2021 with also spread to his liver and spine.

He had a rough 7/8 months and watching him decline and watching his light fade was heartbreaking. He deserved so much better. He was admitted to hospital on 5th Feb 2022 (his 68th birthday) with what we were told was a severe chest infection but it was progression, we spent 2 days and 2 nights by his bedside and was with him until the end. How I manage to process what he went through and what we witness him go through I don’t know. 

I miss him every single day, I miss his laugh, his wit, his comfort, I miss absolutely everything about him and I’m heartbroken for my Mum. They have been married 51 years this year. 

Our lives are not the same, never will be the same but somehow you get up day by day and get through it. My children lost an amazing Grandad and their best friend, I ache for them too.

Day by day is all you can do, cry if you need to, laugh if you need to, look at photos and videos and let your emotions be. Nobody can tell you how you should deal with it because we all do it in our own way. We are nearly 14 months into our grief and I will never get over losing my Dad and I still cry for him, how can you not. But the pain gets lighter, even though the heartbreak is always there and you will always miss him. You will find the strength from your Dad to live life. 

I hope that helps a little but if you ever need a chat you can always message me.

Take Care of yourself xx 

Thanks Essex for sharing your story with me. 

thank you also for your kind words and understanding. 

my dad was my best friend and I feel as though a huge part of me is gone. I went to my dad for any problem I had, and even if he didn’t know the answer, you knew he had your back, no matter what. 

some days I feel stronger than others, yesterday wasn’t so good, just hoping today will be better. 

my dad came to live with us on 4th feb, after he was let down by his own health board , and seeing how frail he was we couldn’t leave him at home alone. He had an appointment with the health board here on the 13th of Feb and we were told time was short. We didn’t want to know how short, but just to make as many memories and have as much laughter as we could. I thought we would have had longer, but he passed away 2 and a half weeks later. 
I did everything for him. I didn’t want carers looking after him. I wanted to do it. I didn’t realise how hard that was going to be. I didn’t realise progression would happen as rapidly as it did. I couldn’t cope with the idea of the syringe driver being given to him either, which I feel terrible about, but we have also lost 3 grandparents to cancer who had syringe drivers right at the end for about a week. When my dads driver did go in it was for only 48 hours. That’s how rapid his decline was. 

no time to get used to anything really. I sat with him for days in the last week. I wouldn’t leave his side, and even when he was in bed, sleeping , I would lay beside him. When he could speak he told the nurse he was very lonely if I left him. In now know this was an end of life sign for him. I even dressed him with the nurse when he passed. 

everytime a noise is in the house now I think it’s him getting up, or falling over or dropping something. For a second I think I have to go upstairs. 

I don’t quite know what to do with myself. I go up to the room with his stuff in and sit on the bed and hug his pillow. I smell his clothes but now they smell of washing powder and not him. I talk to him. 

im due to go back to work now after Easter but I don’t think I am ready. We have his funeral on the fifth of April. Maybe that will help me to process what has happened.

I guess time will help 

xx

So sorry to read your story and for the loss of your dad Welshwife.  I lost my dad on 27th January this year to an aggressive brain tumor.  This was his 3rd cancer battle and he was 75.  Like yours, my dad was my absolute best friend and rock. He was diagnosed just before Christmas 2022 and 5 weeks later he passed.  I visited him every day and in his last week in a palliative care hospice I was there 24/7 as I couldn't bear for him to be on his own when the time came.  

I have the ring he wore and sometimes just sit wearing it - it's too big for me and I can't wear it all the time.  I can't bear to have it altered as that means someone else handling the ring and "wiping" dad off when it's cleaned.

My grief consumes me and is only bearable when I'm at work and distracted.  I got through the funeral and spoke to everyone at the tea because that's what dad would do.  I got home and sobbed till l fell asleep. 

It's been a few months now and I am not ok, I cry a lot.  I have a gaping void in my life and l feel helpless and lost.  Everyone says it will get better... 

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I understand completely everything you have said. 

it’s so hard knowing that they aren’t here anymore. I’ve started to find myself waiting for him to text me or for my phone to ring when I am at work. Things have happened and I go to text him only to realise I can’t. 

I have found comfort in talking to my dad at night while I’m laying down to go to sleep. I tell him about the day, I tell him what we have planned and I discuss everything with him as I would if he was still here. 

I understand about what you say if you have your dads ring altered and when they clean it they will “wipe” him off.  I have my great grandmothers wedding ring that’s dented and when I took it to get it cleaned the jeweller wanted to take the dents out. I wouldn’t let them. My grandma put them there. They are my memories. 

I still cry most days and some days it’s all day. I’ve gone back to work but find it can be a bit too much sometimes. 
 I tried to make my dad funeral as if he planned it, to try and make it easier somehow. Apart from the night he passed the funeral was hardest day of my life.

There is a dad shaped hole in my heart ️ but I know he is with me wherever I am. 
xx