Any advice appreciated

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Hello to all who see this.

The last time I was on this forum I was supporting my auntie whilst she came to the end of her life, sadly she lost her battle last year with cholangiocarcinoma within a month of her diagnosis. I was with her right to the end and she didn't seem to be in any pain at any point towards the end. We had the chance to speak about everything and she made her wishes clear to me. We were incredibly close and for that I will be forever grateful.

I am wondering if anyone can offer any advice, I am struggling so much with the loss of my auntie: she was like my best friend, mum and confidante rolled in to one and life just seems incredibly wierd without her.

Currently I am sat in one of her favourite bakeries eating her favourite dessert, but I just feel so blank. I really felt I was grieving whilst she was alive, but as soon as she passed away I closed off to the point I quit my job and I travel 20 miles away from where I live just to avoid possibly bumping in to anyone, I want to continue on with my life and be able to honor her but I feel like I am really letting her down right now. Whenever I have somewhat spoken to most people about what has happened I feel like they don't really understand how effected I am by this, almost as if because she was my auntie and not my mum it shouldn't be so difficult, but she pretty much was my mum, she was everything to me.

I have fought with the idea of going to the doctors, but honestly I don't know how long I am meant to feel this way and I feel so selfish. I just don't know what to do.

I am sorry this rant seems a bit pointless and I am not really sure where I am going with it but any advice would be greatly appreciate. Take care all xx

Blathemag over 1 year ago

Hi Katie,

Firstly I am so sorry to hear about your auntie, it sounds like you had an amazingly close bond and it is heartbreaking to have something like that taken away.

I want you to know that you are not on your own in how you feel with your grief. I am 23 and lost my mum very recently to cancer and I am going through a similar process to what you described; I feel like I had done all my grieving before she died, with mainly shock and numbness afterwards. It is hard for others who haven't experienced loss like this to properly empathise with our situations which can be so frustrating, and it is always tough when life goes on for others but we are still mourning our loss.

As a stranger on the internet though I can assure you that you are not letting your auntie down with however you process her passing. I think we all have this idea of wanting to continue on with life as quickly to honour the person, but in reality if that person were able to speak to us they would certainly not be rushing us back into things! Please don't put yourself under any pressure to feel a certain way or rush back into 'normality' and take all the time you need, and start to face again life whenever you are ready. And in the meantime, see if you can and get on as many waiting lists for counselling services etc. as you can, whether that be through a GP or any local charities. I'm not sure what is available in your area but it will be worth a look.

I'm sorry I couldn't offer more solid or sound advice but I wanted you to know that there are indeed others who know your pain, as much as we all wish we weren't in this situation. I am so sorry for the loss of your auntie and hope you can find peace and comfort in the coming weeks and months x

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Any advice appreciated