I don’t really know where to start with this but this forum was good when my dad was ill so thought I’d try. My dad passed in September from multiple different cancers (lung, liver, kidney, sarcoma). He was so strong right until the end and only really suffered in the past couple of days. I helped my mum nurse him to the end and was there when he died. I was ok throughout when he was ill. I was still working but as I work from home I was able to do my job from my parents house.
My marriage ended while my dad was ill and I did quickly meet someone else who was a lifesaver really. He’d get me out walking and we had some really good conversations and he got me through to be honest. It was fast but just felt right and we are still together.
After my dad passed I felt a sense of relief that his pain was over and that my mum could start to move on. Not to meet anyone else but she’d cared for my dad for so long I just wanted her to be able to live again. I absolutely threw myself into doing all sorts, bought my husband out of our house, applied for a new job and got that. We’re 5 months down the line now and I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I feel incredibly guilty for the end of my marriage. We have children and I’m so worried about them coping with losing their grandad and their parents separating. I absolutely feel the split was the right thing to do but I just don’t know how I could have handled it better or timed it better. I feel guilty that my ex is hurting.
I really hate my new job. It’s so stressful and is making me physically ill. My new partner also works for the same company and he’s incredibly stressed too, it’s just not a nice place to work right now. My house is falling to bits, I’ve had so many repairs to make recently it’s unreal. My dad was really handy and he would always have helped me with stuff like that so I’ve felt his loss extra hard on those days. I’ve ended up going off sick. I had a particularly stressful week at work last week and by the end of the week my blood pressure and heart rate was through the roof and I felt physically ill. My mum pretty much forced me into going off and I now feel guilty about that, all the work stacking up while I’m off. No one else will do my work while I’m not there. I’m just not coping. I feel like it’s been the stress of when my dad was diagnosed, compacted by the bereavement, then the marriage break up, worrying about my kids, day to day stresses and finally the job was just the tipping point.
My new relationship is also stressing me out just because he’s so stressed with work and I feel helpless with that. I don’t know what to do or where to turn. I’m sure it’s probably normal to feel like this and I feel selfish feeling a lot of these things, but I just don’t know. I just wanted to get it off my chest really and if anyone else feels their head is a mess or has any advice.
