When does it get easier?

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I'm new to grief.

My dad started getting sick in August and after tests, blood transfusions and collapsing a few times he was diagnosed with duodenum cancer. It was only in November that we met specialists and were told they weren't able to treat the cancer. We were told maybe 6-12 months.

That was at the end of November and from there things went pretty fast. We were told my dad was going in to liver and kidney failure on the 2nd of December. My partner and I decided to move our wedding forward as I wanted my dad to be there, planning it to be on the 12th decemeber as the doctors thought he'd last until Christmas.

Unfortunately that wasn't the case as he was taken in to hospital and sadly passed away in the morning of the 10th.

It's been the hardest few weeks I've ever experienced. I phone my dad every other day. As he lived alone he moved in with me and partner in August so we could care for him. I've been used to having him around all the time and looking after him. My partner and I work shifts and I'm now spent a few evenings on my own. I feel lost and alone. I've never lost a loved one before, or at least in my adulthood.

My dad was only 69. We were able to be with him in the hospital when he passed.

Does the crying ever stop?

Kezzie100 over 1 year ago

Just allow it to be. There's no date on grief.

You are in early days. I was like this for sometime after we lost Mum in May, faster than expected (like you).

We are now living some firsts - her birthday, Christmas, New Year, a year since diagnosis is coming up. All give us waves of grief again although we are able to function generally better now. Just before Christmas Dad stayed with us and was suffering bad dreams which, I think, was probably all part of it.

Be kind to yourself. You will get times when things are better but there's no time frame. In the meantime, hand hold your loved ones and on here for support xx

Essex1 over 1 year ago

As Kezzie100 says, allow it to be and there is no limit on grief.

I lost my Dad in February, he was diagnosed in June 2021 but took a downhill turn towards the end of January. He went into hospital on the day of his 68th birthday (5th Feb) and we lost him on the 8th Feb, we were told a severe chest infection but the reality was his cancer progressing very quickly, it wasn’t expected at all but we were able to spend that time with him in the hospital holding his hand.

We are 10 months in, nearly 11 months and I miss him SO much. I have good days, bad days and better days but I will never get over losing him. I can only say from my experience you have no choice but to get on with your life but that pain and hole I have left will never go away. I know my Dad would want me to stop crying, I know he would want me to live my life and I use that to pick myself up on a daily basis.

Christmas was very hard, his birthday will be coming up soon and the anniversary of losing him and everything else that we do he isn’t here for and that is hard but like I say, I get my strength to get on with it from my Dad and we do it for him.

Allow yourself to cry, laugh, smile, talk about him and don’t worry about if the crying never stops, he is your Dad and you love him very much, you can cry as long as you want and need too.

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When does it get easier?