Feeling so lost without my mum

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My mum died just over 24 hours ago and I feel so lost, I keep expecting her to walk through the door or get a phone call from the hospital telling that she has woken up and they need me to come up. My mum and I were so close and now I feel so lost. I had recently returned from working abroad for many reasons and one being to help her out. She seemed to be doing so well but all of sudden she went downhill, I cooked anything she wanted or needed, got her dressed and helped her around the house. The day she went into hospital I left at 7am and said bye, I am not even sure if I told her I loved her. The next thing she was taken into hospital, I was convinced she would be home within a week as she was being treated for water retention and a water infection. We finally found out the truth yesterday an hour before she died, that the cancer had totally spread throughout her body. Those final hours with my mum, my brother and I held her hands we talked about a lot of memories and then her breathing turned shallow, we were told she would still have a few hours left instead it was 20 minutes. 

I am just heart broken, Christmas was our favourite time of year and now I face spending it by myself as my brothers are married and have plans. I am generally afraid of the next few weeks and how lonely it is going to be over Christmas. All the things to come, all the things she has missed out on. We travelled around the world together visiting all sorts of places and laughing and smiling. I am not sure how I will move on without her? I am sitting next to the couch she slept on before she was taken away in the ambulance and walk past her bedroom and start sobbing. The house is full of her things and memories, my iPhone flashes up with her picture from various places we have travelled to. 

I hope this feeling of being lost, lonely gets easier and not crying at every little thing stops.

  • hi  

    I am sure your mum really appreciated the time you spent with her, lost my mum back in 2013 and pretty much out of the blue.

    Her funeral was a massive celebration of her life but it is sure she left a massive hole in our family, she definitely was a lynchpin that held us together though my big sister has taken on a bit of that role.

    There is no "right" answer to grief, For me it did get easier with time, to remember the many great years together. Still get caught out from time to time when facebook decides to highlight a memory from mum and dad.

    Christmas can be hard for anyone on their own, there are a number of ideas if you search on google but if it works for you just spend a little bit of time thinking about those good times. One thing I learnt is that crying is actually good - just love overflowing from my eyes.

    <<hugs>>

    Steve

    Community Champion Badge

  • I too lost my mum in Sept, she was my besr friend and has always been there for me. I muss her so much, i know in my heart that our mums will akways watch over us, i find it comforting to talk to her but then wish with all my heart she could still be here. The only thing i can do is just think about today, try not to think too far ahead, just take one day at a tine. Sendibg you a big hug  xx