lost dad same week i started uni

Hi midnight2010

I lost dad back in 2013 after a long illness but that was not cancer. I can relate to the guilt bit some as he was in and out of care homes and hospital over some time before he died. On the other side I know how bad he would have felt if we had disrupted our lives more than we did. My wife's dad was already in a care home before I even met her.

I am glad you opened up on here and I know uni's have really good student support services. Remember too you can always reach out on here. I would hope with the right support in place it will actually be something that contributes to your career - and something your dad I am sure was really proud of you for.

<<hugs>>

Steve

I’m sorry for your loss. 

Have you been able to talk to someone or access some support from Uni support services? They often provide it, but don’t always advertise it well in my experience!

since my Dad died I have struggled with guilt and found my job harder: housing support, and often the people I’m supporting are either terminal, or have lost partners etc. I never used to find this difficult, but it has been a lot harder since I’ve lost my Dad. Thankfully I have been able to get some support from work. 

can you talk to your tutor or advisor about placements and adaptations? Also I really recommend getting someone to talk too.

Hi midnight2010,

I lost my mum when I was 16 years old back in 2020 to stage III breast cancer which transcended to liver and lung cancer and was too malignant to even be cured. I am also currently in university studying Psychology and I think that the most successful people in work are the ones that have had similar experiences to what their work involves.

I can't say that you will forget about what happened or that you will get 'better', but what I can say is that it will be less painful and you will learn to cope with it healthily (hopefully with the right resources). During those final few months and the months after my mother's death, I found that talking to my teachers (at that time) and family really helped. Your family would obviously know what you are going through, and it would help you with grief as they have also lost a family member too. Because of this, I got really close to my aunt (my mother's sister), and she helped me a lot.

I also kind of had faith and reminded myself constantly that she was in a lot of pain before she died. Honestly, it has come to a time where I am content that she isn't in pain anymore, because as much as I miss her, in her final few months she was in and out of the hospital constantly and there was no end to the pain she endured. I suggest you get support from your university and possibly counselling if they do grief counselling.

Suppressing your emotions are never good, believe me, I always suppress mine. All suppressing does is just bottle up your emotions until they explode at the most random times, which is never a good thing.

In terms of your placement, I think that (as much as placement year is important) I think you should talk with the director to see your options on this, as it is too early to be in contact with people that have had similar experiences to what your father experienced. But, at the same time, this could give you a certain level of compassion and care in the field, especially since you have been through the same thing, and would know how their family members would feel during this time. Whilst it is quite traumatising to see people going through the same thing your father has been through, it could also give you the motivation to help the patients as much as you could and make you feel great that you're actually making a difference in someone's life. Personally, I want to become a psychotherapist and help people because it makes me happy knowing that I am the one that has helped them because my mental health in the past (and now, to be fair) has fluctuated from good to worse. Having this type of connection with your work will really drive you to do your best and I am pretty sure you will thrive in this sector because of your own experiences.

I am honestly really sorry for your loss and I really hope you're doing okay. <3 Sending love and hugs.