hi everyone
i’m coming here to vent
i don’t really know what else to do.
it’ll be 7 months on sunday since i lost my mom to breast cancer.
i’m feeling lost without her. she was my best friend and the only person i really trusted. now it’s just me. and idk how to move on without her or how i should go about the rest of my life.
everything just feels empty and pointless.
i’m 27 and mom was 53.
she was diagnosed july last year. it all just seemed so out of the blue. and then i lost her in january of this year.
mom didn’t have any symptoms until she’d had an accident at work and realised the swelling wasn’t going down. she pushed for an appointment and then bam, it’s cancer.
it all just seemed really quick and i remember the day she told me she’d been diagnosed. still, we were both as optimistic about things. i thought she’d pull through or at least live a lot longer. i didn’t know until after she’d died that the cancer was more aggressive than i’d thought. i suppose mom didn’t want to worry me bless her.
so now it’s just me and our cat.
i feel like i’m existing everyday, going to work, coming home, eating, sleeping. but i feel like my life has no purpose anymore. idk what to do.
Hi Angel cake
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.
What you are experiencing is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process especially when there is no one else around. Your mum will always be around you and will try to guide, support and comfort you as best she can. Talk to her as much as you want regardless of where you are including quiet whispers in the supermarket. Ask her to support you and show you the way forward. Open yourself to allow your mum to do this and feel a sense of calmness. She will find a way of sending you a sign to let you know is listening. This could be a white feather you find unexpectedly, radio / tv retuning, smelling your mum's favourite perfume. You will know deep inside that these are true signs not just coincidence. Visit one of your mum's favourite places such as the local park and talk to her there and wait for any sign she is near such as a breath of wind on a very still day or a wild bird coming extremely close.
A great way of expressing your emotions is writing. We all grieve in our own way and at our own speed so there are no rights or wrongs. You can have a cry in public if you want / need to or find the nearest toilet and pop in for a while to help allow some of your emotions out. Write down everything you feel - good and bad - and also how you found yourself coping with the situation. You can use what words you like and destroy your writing immediately - the act of writing will have helped. You could start compiling a memory book about your mum including stories from your childhood, stories from your mum's childhood, stories from other relatives, from some of your mum's friends / work colleagues and lots of photos. The whole process will help you to express all your emotions with others and with yourself during the writing process. Ask your mum to help guide you with this and she will find away - you may wake one morning and suddenly hear / see something that makes you think of a long lost neighbour. This will be a sign from your mum telling you to find the person and talk to them.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
