Lost my mum

Hello Carolanne

I am so sorry to read your heat-breaking post, but pleased that you reached out here. 

Bereavement has no set path and I wonder, as you have taken the first steps to reach out here, whether you would consider taking a look at the information HERE provided by Macmillan for people who are bereaved. There is within it additional links, one which leads to the following information - 

The most important thing to remember about grief is that it affects everyone in different ways. There are charities and organisations who can continue to help you cope:

• Call the Macmillan Support Line for free on 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week 8am - 8pm. 
• Visit the Cruse Bereavement Care website for information and support.
• Visit the Sue Ryder online bereavement support.
• Find counselling services.

Struggling alone and beating yourself up, whilst feeling lost and alone is a difficult place to pull away from, so please pick up the phone and speak to the support team, they are there everyday during the times shown, to help you. 

Take Care 

Lowe'

Hi

2 years ago today mum went up to bed and never came back downstairs. She was diagnosed with brain mets and the primary was lung. 12 weeks from diagnoses to death. We cared for her at home as she loved her house and we didn’t want her going into hospital with covid and the restrictions. 
I’d love to tell you it gets easier. But after nearly 2 years I’m still struggling to look at her photos or remember her properly as it breaks me. Like my heart is actually breaking. I’m 37 and I feel like an orphaned child. I just want my mum. 
what you are feeling is normal, it’s not nice at all but it’s normal. You will feel cheated and look at other people and their mums and feel jealous. No matter what age we are, we need our mums. What I’d give for one more minute. 
the heartbreak of caring for them, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat just so I could be with her. I’d break my heart over and over again just for one more minute with her. 
But if there’s any advise I can give you, grieve. I never did, unburied my head in the sand and went straight back to work. I bought a house and focused on that. But when everything was done and everyone was cared for, I had nothing else to do. So I broke. I was diagnosed with delayed grief and I can’t tell you how much it’s messed me up. It’s like I’m grieving every day and just wish I’d taken time out to do it properly. Only been to her grave maybe 3 times cause it physically hurts. My heart breaks all over again. 
I wish you well and I hope you reach out to someone. Keep her memory alive. Cry when you want to and scream. She will be proud. I believe they’re still with us in some sense. So do her proud and show her she raised a fighter. 

Hello Caroline,

I am so sorry to read about your mum.  Its so sad.

I too lost my mum in March this year and still feel heartbroken.  

Your mum's story sounds very similar to what my mum went through. She had womb cancer in 2017 and was treated with radiotherapy and had a  hysterectomy.  All was fine until May 2021, when she got a devastating diagnosis or secondary lung cancer.  It seems the womb cancer had spread to mum's lungs  we were devastated and terrified.  We'd lost my dad suddenly only 18 months earlier to pancreatitis.

Without going into all the details, my mum suffered due to pain and a horrendously persistent cough which gor her down so much.  I just didn't know what to do.  I felt so incredibly sad and scared.  I supported my mum after we last dad. She spent so much time with us, then covid came, then her terrible cancer diagnosis.  She just didnt deserve to suffer (no one does).  

I was devastated and heartbroken when she passed away in March. I couldn't believe that both my mum and dad had gone in just over two years.  They were both so fit and healthy!  I just found it unbelievably sad that their lives had been cut short (dad was 67 and mum was 69).

The one and only consolation with my mum is that she was no longer in pain or suffering.  That's the only "comfort" I can take.  I still can't belive she's gone.

I know from losing my dad that time does help... however, it feels different now because when I lost my dad....I still had my mum.  I miss her so much, she was my absolute BEST FRIEND.

Like you, my sister and I looked after her at home for a period of time before she went into a hospice where she spent 6 days.

My sister is also a nurse and has found it difficult at work, we watched my dad's life support being switched off in critical care and then mybsister when back to work during covid....I  critical care in the room where my dad had passed. Horrendous.

With regards to work, take your time.  If you need time off take it.  You need to grieve and deal with all of this.  You've been through a horrendous time and it takes its toll x

I went back to work after 6 weeks, I didnt want to go back but  felt I had to or else I'd never have wanted to go back.  Thankfully work have been very supportive.

I find it helps to talk to people about mum. I find that some days I'm OK and others are so much harder.  I cry in the car when I'm.on my own, sometimes I cry at work at my desk.  I go to bed thinking about mum and often wake up thinking about her.  I have thought about her EVERY SINGLE DAY since she left.  It's awful, I truly understand what you're going through.

I hope you heal.  There is nothing that can make this better and we will always miss our mums.

Here if you want to message me.

Adele x