My lovely mum died on this day 28 June 2019. It was a horrible death from breast cancer that eventually spread to her brain. From February 2019 my mum saw black spots and had facial paralysis, Easter Sunday she went blind in one eye. Despite constant requests the consultant said it was just side effects of stereotactic radiotherapy in August 2018. They refused to do a scan to see if it was radiotherapy side effects or more brain tumours. I was convinced it was the cancer but no one listened not even the Macmillan nurse. As a result of this we didn’t know the end would be very soon and didn’t have chance to put in place a plan for her to die at home, as was her wish. Instead she declined so very rapidly over a weekend and she was admitted to the hospice on the Monday. She died there Thursday. I sat with her all the time and she kept begging me to take her home to die. But she was so ill I couldn’t move her and my dad couldn’t cope with her coming home. There also just wasn’t the time to arrange it and for the care she needed. I sat with her and promised to arrange to take her home so she would relax and played her favourite Doris Day. In the end I had popped back to my dads for some food only 15 mins drive away and they phoned us to come we were too late and I wasn’t with her when she died. I was a minute too late. If only I hadn’t left her.
Why am I writing this now? I guess it just haunts me, the awful way she died, that she died too young 71, that she didn’t get to die at home and that I wasn’t with her at the very end when I wanted to be.
My mum was a very talented seamstress, she taught fashion and design and made the most amazing quilts that are on all my beds. I love that when I make the bed I am handling what she made with her hands. The only thing I really wanted when she passed was her sewing machine. All the things she made on it. I couldn’t bear that to be lost. So now I use it as myself and my sister inherited all her hobbies and passion for sewing and knitting. I wear all her clothes, I talk to her photo.
Anyway I will light a candle, shed a few tears and raise a glass today to my lovely mum, my best friend.
Yes. I really should have picked up on that and put it in my reply. 
Eddie
