Bereavement support

Hi Jimbo

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.  Unfortunately you have done what most men do and put on the macho image which only masks the problem.  More men need to open up about their emotions and let their emotions (crying) show in public if necessary - most people will understand.

There are many things you can do to help with this struggle.  Your mum will always be with you so you can talk to her where and when ever you want.  Do this alone if you prefer.  Even small things such as "Oh mum it's raining again"  You could visit one of her favourite places such as the local park and talk to her there.  She will always find a way to let you know she is near and will comfort, guide and support you as best she can.  You have to open yourself up to accepts and thank her for any signs she sends.  This could be finding a white feather for no reason, radio / tv retuning, smelling her perfume, finding a long lost item.  

Another great way of expressing your emotions is writing.  Each time something triggers your emotions write down what it was, the conditions ie where you tense, running late for something, just after a meal.  Then write down what you tried to help the situation - did you have a good cry, sit daydreaming of times past or bottle up.  Include how you felt afterwards such as did it your solution help or just alleviate symptoms temporarily.  You could also start a memory book about your mum including stories which are happy and some sad ones.  You can include stories from your own childhood, stories your mum told you of her childhood, stories from other relatives and some of your mums friends.  Of course lots of photos is a must.  You can do this alone or with others.  If you don't want anyone to see you can easily destroy it but at least the process of thinking and writing things down will help you understand and cope with your feelings.

Please see below for link to in your are which can bring up groups that may be of help where you live.  Above all remember that there are no rights or wrongs about grieveing - we all take our own time and do it in our own way.

If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. 

Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.

Jimbo hello sorry to hear you are feeling so rubbish . I lost my mum four weeks ago one thing that has helped me are the grief casts pod casts I don’t know if they might help you too I hope so x