Sudden loss of mum

Hi, I'm very sorry for your loss. My Mum died 3 weeks ago after being diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer 4 months previously. I had a little longer to prepare myself but still feel completely lost. I seem to be holding myself together, until I talk about her and the tears come.

Like yourself, my mum was my best friend. I can't believe she's gone, even though we've had her funeral. I still kept waiting on someone saying there'd been terrible mistake, and mum was still here. I completely understand how you're feeling.  Lx 

Hi Totoro,

In so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my dad 4 weeks ago after he was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer in November.

For me it all seemed so sudden  so I can't imagine how you are feeling after loosing your mum just 8 weeks after her diagnosis.

My dad seemed to be doing okay until the beginning of March and he even had chemo booked in for May. I thought we would have had a bit more warning with a slower decline, but he just rapidly declined over his last 4 weeks and was gone. No doctor or nurse warned us that it could take hold so quickly.

I know what you mean about it feeling like a nightmare. It doesn't seem real. How can someone who has been there our whole lives and supported us and loved us, just suddenly been gone. It's so surreal.

How is your dad coping?

I find it so hard thinking of my mum being without her husband of 38 years. It breaks my heart. x

I’m so very sorry for your loss ,what u are going through , unfortunately we are in this cruel boat together but this group is such a supportive bunch so please do reach out.

I lost my dad 11 weeks ago and he was only diagnosed 3 and a half weeks before he passed.It was an absolute shock and 11 weeks down the line I’m still so shocked and replay every detail in disbelief still .

Be gentle with yourself I’m sorry to say you will probably be in for a rollercoaster of emotions and at the moment the shock is probably overtaking emotions.

There is no right way or wrong way when dealing with grief.Just take a day or even an hour at a time.

Support and strength to you

I lost my dad 5 weeks ago today after being diagnosed 3 weeks earlier with colon cancer that metastised to his liver, lymphnodes, adrenal glands and lungs. I totally get where you are coming from. He was sick for 7 weeks in total. A few tummy cramps he said, a very active 68 yr old man who never went to the doc or dentist unless he was forced. Never complained about pain even in his last few hours. He suffered a very painful death in the end and got no relief until about 30 mins before he passed. It has all been a whirlwind and my mum is not coping as he was always the strong one emotionally. He steadied us all, she is so consumed with her grief that the rest of us have not been allowed to grieve and it has been hard.

We are trying to get through it but it is the little reminders and the things we are trying to sort through that make it so hard, i go to call him to ask him where to find something or ring him with a problem and remember he isn't there.   I continuously relive his moaning with pain, but yet he never called it pain, as i sat with him all nite in hospital the night before he died. He never knew his full diagnosis or that it was terminal as he refused to let the doctors tell him. But we know deep down he knew from the conversations he had with us all whilst in hospital. I honestly never understood grief until now, but to all of you now going through it, I get it xx

Hi Lissmore ,

I am so very sorry for your loss,after reading your post I just wanted to reach out to you and say you are not alone and sending support and strength to you.

13 weeks ago I lost my beautiful dad to pancreatic cancer he to had only been diagnosed 3 weeks previously.I understand your shock and whirlwind at such an awful quick loss.

My dads passing ( and previously six years ago my moms) was stuck in my head and I couldn’t stop replaying those final days/ hours over and over in my head.In time those bad memories do become more distant as they are replaced by happier ones.( I must admit that it’s only the last week I haven’t thought about my dad passing so much)

your mom must be in so much pain and grief but please don’t forget about yourself you to need to grieve.

Thoughts are with you.Do reach out on here whenever you need to they really are a supportive bunch .