Hello Everyone and thankyou for accepting me alongside your journeys.
Last Thursday morning my sister passed away in a wonderful hospice, having only been diagnosed in November with soft cell sarcoma then in January with breast cancer in her lungs and chest. I can't put into words how I am feeling today,, as each day I seem to feel more and more low. We lived between our houses since November and I have been with her every day, and thankfully went into the hospice with her Tuesday morning and held her as she died on Thursday morning. I am so pleased that we were able to grant her last wishes and brought her home for a few days before transferring to the hospice for her final journey. My home now feels very empty and quiet and my thoughts revolve around what I'm going to do without her in my life. Thank you for reading x
Hi Elaine
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your sister.
You can take great comfort from having being with your sister every day and especially being with her when she passed. This would also have given her great comfort and made her passing much more peaceful.
Your sister will always be with you and will try to support, guide and comfort you as best she can. Talk to her when and where ever you want, even little things such as saying it is turner colder again. In a supermarket most people will think you are just deciding what to buy if you quietly talk to her there. Open yourself up to any response she may send such as an unexpected white feather, radio / tv re tuning, smelling her favourite scent. Visit one of her favourite places such as the local park, sit at her favourite spot and talk to her quietly then await any response. If it is a still day you may feel a slight breath of wind or a wild bird may come exceptionally close. Ask her to comfort you and support you through your grieving.
We all grieve in our own way and at our own speed so there are no rights or wrongs. Even in public if you feel like shedding a tear go to the nearest toilet and have a quick cry. Never bottle up your emotions - if you struggle in public try to hold them back, return home as soon as you can and then you can give full expression to your feelings. While doing this ask your sister to help you to understand that she is now okay and watching over you. A good way of expressing your emotions is writing. You could just write down how you feel, what things helped you to feel better. You could keep these for future use to re use whatever coping strategy you developed. You could start a memory book which could include stories from both your childhoods, stories your parents told you of their childhoods, stories from other relatives and some of your sisters friends; and of course lots of photos. The pain and loss you are feeling will never go away but over time you will learn to develop coping methods so that the pain seems less.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
