My dad passed away. Im so lost

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am at day 10 of losing my Dad, it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. Although my Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 Small Cell Lung Cancer in June 2021, the last few days we had with him before he passed went so quickly and it was unexpected. He went in to hospital on his birthday, they diagnosed a severe chest infection so started on IV antibiotics, we got a call the next day to say they had given him 2 weeks. Absolute shock! He also had COPD. We spent 3 days with him at the hospital, it was traumatic watching him struggle and he was a shell of the man he was.

Like you, I feel like I had no answers. He was due to have his next chemo session on 10th Feb but we lost him on 8th Feb and he’d even seen his Oncologist about a week before who was willing to continue treatment. His cancer progressed so quickly within days, it was cruel. 

I can imagine you are all still dealing with the shock that he had cancer as well as losing him. I haven’t stopped looking at photos or videos of my Dad, the emptiness is unbearable, I just feel like I’ve lost a part of me. I just keep thinking that day by day, it’s a step closer to feeling less pain but that emptiness will never go. 

I hope you have good family support around you, please feel free to message me if you need to vent, I do understand how lost you feel right now.

Take Care

Lucie. X 

Hi .thanks for the reply and iam very sorry for your loss too .the world just feels so empty without my dad .im trying my best to support my mum .they were married 46 years .they hardly spent any time appart.i just feel a bit angry that it was cancer he had .wondering if he hadn't of had cancer he would still be here. We had so little time to make sense that he actually had cancer .

Hi. I know, it will never make sense, I’m still questioning now if he was put on the right treatment, why change the first chemo if it was working etc. My parents would have been married 50 years this coming May, they married at 17 and like your parents, never spent a day apart.

Give yourself time, you have a lot of process, you all do, take one day at a time. 

x

Thankyou. You know that day will come when you will loose someone. Yet you are not prepared.no matter what .it makes me sad and angry for anyone who gets cancer .its just so horrible. And im so sorry you are going through this too.its early days isnt it .i know he has gone .yet its strange to think of him not here. I hope you have some support and people there for you ? Im dreading the funeral. I was very close to my dad . 

You’ll never be prepared, even when you know. Cancer is such a cruel disease, I wish there was a cure. I went to the Chapel of Rest today to see my Dad, it wasn’t pleasant but I just wanted to see him and I will go again before the funeral on 3rd March.  I have good family support, we are a very close family but I will never accept that whatever we do from now on, Dad won’t be there. 
How are you feeling today? X

Hi .i was feeling ok yesterday. But as the night time cane i started to struggle. Night-time seems to be worse at the moment. I go over things.im glad you have family supporting you .i will be going to see my dad at the chapel of rest sometime next week.i want to see him but at the same time im not looking forward to it. My mum wants to see him too.i think it will sink in much more when i see him. I was with him when he passed away .that is something i wont forgot..my dads funeral is on the 1st of march.Yes cancer is a horrible disease  i wish it would dissappear. It takes so many people...the fact that many people are being diagnosed so late its heartbreaking.  Im sorry for the long post.i hope you are holding out ok..i may not know you but i send love to you .

I seem to struggle with evenings, probably because we are occupied during the day, I get a lot of comfort being at my Mum and Dad’s at the moment, everything is still as normal round there with his office, bedroom etc, just feels like he’s popped out. I didn’t know what to expect going to the Chapel of Rest, I have never done that before, but I said to my Husband I would rather deal with the pain of seeing him again rather than live with the pain/guilt/regret of not going. My only criticism from yesterday for me personally, is that the room was so morbid. I know that may sound silly, but it was silent, cold, they had a really old fashioned lace blanket draped over the lower part of my Dad, no flowers etc not that anything fancy would have made a difference but I’m going to suggest we take a blanket, maybe a little radio etc before my Mum goes as I she will struggle dealing with all that. They also had the lid of the coffin in the room with his name and date of death on it, didn’t appreciate that at all. Just make sure you tell them what you want and make it as comfortable for you all as possible, that would be my advice. You will be strong enough to see him, I honestly don’t know where the strength comes from but it will get you through, you’ve just experienced one of the toughest things you will ever go through. When my Dad had just passed in the hospital, we sat in another room for 5 minutes while the Doctor certified his death and my Aunt said to me “this will be the hardest thing you will ever go through, nothing will touch you now”. I wanted to see him again yesterday as I miss him terribly but because he also didn’t look good when he passed, it was torture.

Cancer is very cruel, I question why my Dad’s treatment didn’t work for as long as we hoped etc but I know he had an aggressive Cancer. 

I will be thinking of you on 1st March, it is also a day I am dreading but I keep thinking “I’m being strong for Dad”. If you need to chat please feel free to private message me, sending you strength and lots of love. X