Hi All,
I lost my beautiful Dad in the early hours of last Tuesday. He was diagnosed with SCLC in June 2021. We were all with him when he passed. I’m 38 and have 3 children, 11, 12 and 3 months. Had to tell my 2 eldest children last week, they were broken.
He was the kindest, funniest, thoughtful man. I have had to be strong this week for the kids, but I think today it’s hit me. We were at the hospital with him from Sunday night to Tuesday when he passed, it was unexpected but he fought so hard, it was traumatic and cruel seeing him go the way he did, he deserved so much better.
We assumed he felt so rubbish due to his radiotherapy and chemotherapy but in reality, he was deteriorating. He became a shell of the man he was and I feel like I’m grieving 2 people, my Dad and then the man my Dad became when he was diagnosed, I miss them both terribly and I can’t accept that I will never see him again, the emptiness is unbearable, we are a very close family and our lives will never be the same again.
I’m fearful for the future ahead, fearful for the emotions, fearful of the funeral etc. Does this ever get any easier, I know over time our scars will heal but the pain is awful.
x
Hi Essex1 welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. My life is very different from yours in that I am a bit older and so was my dad when he became ill and subsequently died very quickly, 5 weeks after diagnosis.
The pain you are feeling is very real and also very raw so give yourself time to feel raw, because thats ok. It's grieving and thats healthy though it may not feel like that. I also understand the question that you pose "will it get any easier"? The answer is yes, it will become less painful but it will take time and unfortunately there isn't any time limit on how long that might take.
Its not easy and the loss will not go away, it never does, but you come to acclimatise it in your life. I cant say that you will ever like it but you will find a place in your heart to store the love, affection and joy that you shared with your Dad and to treasure all the memories you have of him. I am almost 3 years down the line and there is never a day goes by that I don't miss my Dad. For the next little while just take each day as it comes and get through it your family will keep you strong and you will most likely need that.
Sending some huge big hugs your way for now. xx
gail
