Hi guys im new here just wanted to share the loss of mum in 2020 still havent mourned properly havent had anyone to turn to or talk to and it kills me more and more each day im 42 yrs old iv had a really bad life and still am iv been on a rollercoaster since the age of 21 from loosing my dad in 2002 then 8 months after loosing dad lost my eldest brother which hit me really bad as i was the blacksheep of the family and never got to mourn them properly then other passings in the family drove me down a dark dangerous hole then other personal issues started getting a divorce loosing my aunty same time drove me even more deeper down this dark hole turned to drugs and drink then started pickin myself up then BAM mums camcer came to light in 2020 then amidst corona virus i lost 3 members the same time 1 month apart from each other and i just went off the rail and here i am today still lost nobody to talk to and my depression and anxiety has gone out of control im suicidle and at a point where im ready to die i have no friends or family to talk to and i came across this site in a hope to find people who can relate to my situation and hopefully get help with my bereavement someone to talk to to help me with my depression and anxiety someone who understands what im going through and also someone i could help and talk to please if anybody is out there please do reply........
Hi T77UGZZ1
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about everything you have and are still going through. As long as you are a part of this community you will always have someone to talk to. You can post anything you want at anytime and someone will always get back to you.
Grieving is different for everyone - we all do it in our own way and at our own speed. Your own mind knows what is best for you and will help you through this - it sometimes doesn't let people feel any emotions because it could be too traumatic. Gradually over time you will grieve a little bit at a time and develop coping strategies for trigger situations. The main thing is if you feel any emotions welling up do not bottle these up - if you are in a supermarket just pop to the toilet for a quiet 5 minutes so that you can finish your shopping.
You could try, depending on how you feel, of visiting a favourite place of your mums - you could take someone with you if you need to. Talk to her while there and open yourself to any response. You may feel a small breath of wind on a still day or a bird may come exceptionally close. Your mum will always be around you and will try to support, guide and comfort you as best she can. Talk to her whenever and where ever you want - even small things like mentioning the weather. Open yourself to any response she may send such as an unexpected white feather, radio / tv retuning, finding a long lost item or smelling her perfume. The sign(s) may take a few days but you will know when it happens.
Another great way to express your emotions is writing. You can write whatever you want and even destroy it straight afterwards - the process of writing will help ease some of the feelings built up inside. You could create a memory book full of stories, happy and sad, about your childhood, your mums childhood, include stories from other relatives and some of your mums friends, and lots of pictures. it can also help if you do this with other family members to talk openly and express your emotions openly without fear of criticism.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
