Coping

Hello JustMe 95

I am sorry to read of the loss of your grandad

I am no expert but I would guess that he did not want to go, he did not feel it was the time.

Many of us have an idea of what we want passing to be and what we want it to look like, sadly it does not always follow the script.

You read many times of people that slip away in a sleep, a way I am sure we would all like to depart, my wife also put up a great fight

before the hour came.

I would advise you to try and put the bad things to the back of your mind, I know it is easier said than done but time is a great healer.

Keep at the front of your mind the great times you shared and enjoyed and why he was your best friend.

I hope this helps.

All the best.

John

This is exactly what I’m watching with my dad at the minute and he’s now in a hospice for his final days

i have watched my whole family die from this disease and thought that losing my mum when she was 49 after 6 weeks of a diagnosis was horrendous but what I’m witnessing now is even more horrifying. Diagnosed 2.5 years ago and never wanted to leave his home or get help from anyone. He’s a shell and still fighting to get up and stagger everywhere on the hospice. 

i don’t know how to cope at night with the images that are running though my head

Hello Weelor.

I am sorry to read your post, if it helps I share your pain.

Your father sounds very much the same as mine was, made of different metal, very proud and determined to do it his

way,as the end approaches he does not want to change, and does not want to leave his family.

I can only repeat what I wrote in my previous reply, try to bring to the front of your mind all the good stuff, he would not

want you to only think of the very difficult days you are experiencing at the moment.

I don`t know if it helps but I would say your father is in the best place to receive end of life care,my wife at first wanted

to die at home, but after a week in a hospice in September, she changed her mind, I lost her on 3rd November.

It might be a good idea to talk to the nurses at the hospice, they can point you in the direction of some great support,

you could also talk to your GP or advanced nurse at the doctors, again they may be able to help you at this difficult

time.

I hope this helps even if only a small amount, try and be strong.

Virtual Hug.

John

Hi john

Thank you for the very kind words. I find even being on here is helping massively. 

i have a fantastic support network through my work at Sky and I am going to use all of them now

virtual hugs from myself regarding your wife     My father never did get over the passing of my mum in 2007 and it’s been a tough road made even tougher now 

hopefully he won’t be in this pain for too long

lorna

I can completely relate to what you describe. I have been with both my mum and Dad in the last few days and the very last moments of their life which were both cut short by cancer.  My farther had a fairly peaceful death (heavily drugged up though) but that was very hard to experience (nit that I would have been anywhere else).  My mum died send only 3 months ago and was less peaceful.  I had been looking after her for the last months of her life and I was out of the room for only minutes when she actually died (which I struggle to deal with and feel guilty about) and like you, I have seen and experienced so pretty tough things that no-one should really experience, but we have to and willing do for our loved ones if we have to, and I like you feel pretty traumatised. I understand your guilt feelings, but you, like me, have to find a way to out these feelings down as they are very negative and can only harm our mental health.  I am sure your grandad, like my mum, would want you get on with your life and what’s more, they would want us to enjoy it as well, despite the pain.

Try to keep strong my friend -these feelings will pass eventually, and there is nothing wrong with that as then you will be able to remember and cherish your grandad the way he was before this cruel disease started.