Angry and exhausted

Sorry, I just needed to vent

Hi. This is my first time posting as I can relate to your story. 

I lost my mother on the 5th November. 6 weeks prior she was fit and healthy, walking miles daily. 

She went back and forth her gp when she started having some pain in her side, by the time they sent her for a scan they found it was stage 4 pancreatic cancer. 4 weeks later she was in a hospice and passed away. We had no time to digest like you, it’s so cruel and unfair. 

My head is full of what ifs, why didn’t the gp send her sooner for a scan, why did the consultant tell her the diagnosis alone etc. I plan on putting in a letter of complain to the healthboard and gp, my mother and I deserve answers. 

Watching my mother whither away in front of my eyes was the hardest most gut wrenching thing I think I will ever have to go through. I miss her so much she was my best friend. 

I understand your anger, I try not to let it consume me as we may never get all the answers, just partial. 

Your dad and my mother were taken so quickly it’s hard to take it all in and realise this is reality now. It feels like a total nightmare. 

I have found forums helpful in that I am not alone and unfortunately these tragic, heart breaking stories happen every single day. It’s a cruel disease and there must be a cure found. 

It's helpful to see other people going through the same thing. Its so unreal seeing the change happen so rapidly.

We're also pursuing answers. To start we've requested a post mortem in accordance to my dads wishes, to help piece together some of the unknowns. Even getting this done seems to have been a fight - to the extent that we were told that we had to organise private transfer of the body to the hospital, when it was almost too late to get a viable PM. We also have an entire box file crammed with letters detailing lots of scans with no diagnosis that we need to piece together into a coherent timeline.

We've been sorting through his home today. Its so surreal, and I kept expecting him to walk through the door.

That must be so hard for you all not having answers. I know what you mean about having to fight everything. The minute my mother was told what was on her scan we also have to push push push for even basic things. I work for the nhs and have definitely lost faith from what I have seen. When the time is right I’m also putting in a complain because I wouldn’t want families going through the same. 

I hope you get some answers, that might bring a little bit of closure. You’ll never get full as it won’t bring your dad back but might help you understand what happened.

I find it very hard going into my mothers house too. It’s exactly how she left it and still smells of her. I dread the day it doesn’t. I walk into the living room expecting her to be there, breaks my heart