Hi, I lost Brian, my partner of many years to prostate cancer about 5 weeks ago, and I don't know if I'm on my head or my heels, or what I should be doing for the best. I have a counsellor, but I've also been offered counselling by Cruse and by the hospice who helped him in his last days - I don't know whether to stick with my existing counsellor, or try one of the others. A lot of the time I don't seem to miss him, or think about him, I just get on with things - but maybe I'm filling my time to avoid the painful feelings, I just don't know. People say to talk about it - i have few friends locally, so it tends to be helplines rather than people I actually know; the friends I have are scattered all over the country, and generally aren't people I've shared emotional stuff with anyway, likewise family.
When I was thinking more about Brian, a week or two back, it felt as if I just couldn't get my head round the fact that he'd died - it just seemed unreal, impossible - so I was just taking it a day at a time and hoping it would make more sense with time. But now it seems as if I've just blanked him and his death out....but while I'm comfortable doing everyday things, I can feel that this is somehow inappropriate, and feel I "ought" to be doing things differently. When i do talk to someone, or indeed write on a forum like this, I cry a lot, so the feelings must be there, I just don't know how best to deal with them.
