This is really hard to write and I’ve been following on these forums since my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer in November 2020 but this is the first time I’ve written and I wanted to share my dads journey.
I firstly apologise that this is such a long read but I just had to get this out of my system. So grab a cuppa and a biscuit and read away.
Sadly my dad died on Tuesday 12th October 2021 aged just 66 years after battling against lung cancer and I’m just so very lost without him!
My dad was always an active man and loved his family so very much, in fact you could go as far as saying whomever my dad crossed paths with became family almost immediately that’s the type of man he was.
Anyway dad was diagnosed in November 2020 and as a family we all encouraged him to go on holiday with my mum which he did and we have some fantastic pictures and mum has amazing memories from this holiday.
Dad started his treatment on 11th December 2020 with chemo and radiotherapy, he was positive and upbeat and the support from Macmillan and the nursing staff throughout was fabulous!
Dad sailed through 12 weeks of this treatment with minimal fuss though he did develop a few chest infections, he lost his hair which was difficult for him as he always had a real head full and he also lost quite a bit of weight. My dad was never a slim man which meant it was far more noticeable and difficult to see at times.
It was around the end of his treatment that dad developed his first bout of pneumonia and ended up in hospital for a week getting sorted out.
A few weeks after recovering dad was then to start intensive immunotherapy however he only managed one dose of this as he took a severe reaction and ended up again in hospital. He had a rash covering him from head to toe and ended up incontinent for a while though he got this back.
Around the end of April time dad was taking chest infection after chest infection and though the plan was to go back to some form of treatment it was important to get him well enough first of all. It was also around this time that dad just simply stopped eating. This was probably the hardest time for us as a family as he lost significant weight and though he still was able to move about it was really limited.
My dad continued to lose weight through the summer and continued with chest infections which always ended up in him being taken into hospital for intravenous antibiotics.
At the start of October we were then given the dreaded ‘terminal’ diagnosis. There was now nothing more could be done for dad and his constant chest infections had caused a hole in his lung. Obviously this was devastating for us and whilst we ultimately expected it, it doesnt make it easier to take in.
Dad wanted to come home to die - again this hurts writing this though I’d really seen a weight lifted from him at this point. He’d accepted things but we as a family had bit and really struggled with this.
Dad said he would fight to be here at Christmas and thus we all hoped for the best.
Unfortunately 10 months and 1 day to the date dad started his treatment he passed away at home with my mum and brother by his side.
I am absolutely wrecked with guilt that I was not there by his side. I live on the other side of the country and didn’t make it in time and it’s just eating away inside of me.
So that’s my dads story. 66 years young. He was an amazing man. A kind hearted and true gentleman who would help anyone. He was my dad and I love and miss him so very much!
One other thing I’d like to finally say is a heartfelt thank you to the Macmillan nurses and staff as well as Marie Curie who’ve been a great support to us all as a family.
Hello Ayrshire Stuart
Welcome to forum, and thank you for sharing your Dad's journey with us, I do hope that writing those words down have eased your heart ever so slightly.
In trying to find the words to reply, I am drawn back to my own Dad's journey, I too never got to him on time, it was my step-family who were at his side, as they had been for many years, and them being with him was a blessing. I know that he was not alone, and I know that he would not have wanted me to drive like a lunatic to get to the hospital on time. Like your Dad, mine was a caring and thoughtful soul.
I do hope that you can find a way to STOP allowing a guilt that your Dad would not want you to hold, to continue eating away at you, things are never justified when it comes to death, there is no rhyme or reason, and some of us will be where we should be, and others like us, won't, but is that because, actually we shouldn't have been?... I do wonder whether actually watching my Dad pass would have been a totally different level for me, I think maybe, I would have coped less well, than I do at present.
Like you , I miss my Dad so very Much, so I send you virtual hugs, in the hope that we can both find strength, and be a little easier on ourselves.
Thank you again for sharing.
Lowe'
