My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in December 2020. She started treatment in January and it was going well until recently she deteriorated very quickly and it’s now looking like she only has a few months left. I live away from home, but when visiting last weekend my mum experienced a seizure for the first time. This experience was extremely traumatising for all at home. I had to leave and go back to my place due to work during the week but i’ve returned home this weekend again. The anxiety being at home is through the roof, i’m constantly on edge that someone could happen again and i can tell that my dad and brother who live at home feel the same way. This makes home such an unpleasant experience for me that i don’t want to be here and i’m itching for time to speed up so i can go back to my place away from it.
However that brings about the guilt. I should be at home spending the time that is left with my mum, caring for her and making memories but the only memories i’m making are having to call ambulances and not sleeping due to my anxiety. I also feel guilty that i’m leaving my dad and brother to deal with it head on and i’m escaping it. I know for my own mental health that being at home isn’t good for me but can i be selfish right now?
