Is anyone else questioning life and how it works?

I still feel cheated 7 months later. Dad as was 68 and died after a very short battle with lung cancer. My young daughter was so close to him and struggled so much, but has now returned to normal life, which is great. 

However, everyone around you returns to normal life and expects you to.

So hard. 

I'm sorry to hear that. My Mum's cancer was also primary lung cancer, which then spread elsewhere. I've not broken the news to my young children yet, as its still so raw for me and i was hoping to gain some kind of acceptance about the situation myself, before telling them. They knew that she was very poorly in hospital, but being so young i dont think they'll be expecting the news. I'm glad to hear that your daughter has found a way to return to her normal happy life, and of course that's what you want for her. But i appreciate so much that its not that simple for you - its not for me. I cant imagine ever feeling ok with whats happened. Accept that its happened - yes. But be ok with it - i dont think i can. We have been robbed by cancer. 

I hope that you can find a way forward, and a way to take some enjoyment from your life. We do deserve to and thats what our loved ones would want us to do. That much i know for sure x 

Firstly I am so sorry to hear your Mum died but secondly, oh yes, I question  how it all works every day.

Our beloved 36 year old daughter died from melanoma in Sept 2019.   I question why her, not me?  She was just married, brilliant career, hoping to start a family.  I've done all that,  how unfair is that!!   

To add insult both my parents, 91 and 92 are still alive!!  Now people say to me aren't you lucky having both your parents still?  I don't feel lucky, I feel resentful. I am seething at the unfairness of it all.

So,  I think your questioning about "life" and how it works is normal,  unfortunately there are no real answers.

Sending hugs.

Xx

Oh that is just awful. I am so sorry that you have experienced losing a child. I truly am; i cant imagine how hard that must be. You are clearly a very strong lady and that is a credit to you, having to fight that battle day in, day out. 

I think the unfairness of it all is just worst. I'm not naive by any means, but to take innocent, loving people who do no wrong in the world, and actually contribute to it, people who are dearly loved - why take them in such a cruel way? 

The problem is, i'm finding that for every question i have, there'd another two that spring to mind. And i ask all these questions and there are just no answers. People say it 'just happens' - but in my head i scream why!? 

I'm not saying that anyone's life is worth more than another's, i'm really not. But i see these people on the news, people who are pure evil, do bad things, hurt people, scare people, and i cant help but think why didn't life take them away? 

I tell myself there is a heaven above and an afterlife, and that THAT is the real goal of life: and that this one is purely a test to see who is worthy of a place up there. I like to think all of these amazing people who were taken far too soon, were just so good, that God just had to fast track them because they were just the people he wanted in his heaven - only the best. 

I have no other way of making any sense of it. 

xx

I know!  There is no making sense of these good, loving people that bring great joy to the world and contributing to society dying young when we hear about all the unworthy people in the world on the news.  I'm afraid there is no sense and I guess we just have to learn to live with the unjust essence of it all.  It is hard, so very hard though.

Xx

I'm sorry to hear that. I've just lost the wife I loved dearly, the person who has been with me from teenage girlfriend to pensioner. I almost felt the way you do, but it didn't seem to be the right way of looking at what had happened.

After a while I started thinking that all those years of being loved and wanted, having animals around her, of being happy to be a good person, were real. There's no reason for cancer, it just happens, it doesn't do things out of spite or cheat on purpose, it's just blind, mindless death stalking the world. But there were good reasons for what my Kathy did and why she was loved. We didn't have as many years as we wanted and expected, but the years we did have were good. She died, but first she lived life gloriously well, as your Mum did. That's why it hurts so much, because what was cut short was good, but that goodness is what matters.

Hope I'm making sense.