Hello All
I hope im in the right place, I have been pushed from pillar to post like a kid in a new school that doesnt fit the right click. (im not the one with cancer, this group is for the patients not the family, your mum had the wrong type of cancer, its been too long since she died etc etc etc...)
In the past few years many things have happened and has added to that pile of... "I'll deal with that later". Unfortunately later came and went and like a stack of paper and folders on somones desk... everything has come crashing down and now I am trying to pick up the pieces and deal with each topic. This topic is my lovely Mum.
My mum died 6 years ago on June 20th 2015 at 12:03pm, in mine and my families arms. Mum was diagnosed with Lung cancer the previous year and after going through treatments of Radiotherapy and Chemo, everything had calmed down by the december and mum got to have an awesome Christmas.
By Febuary mum's original lump had started to grow back and we then moved to the more agressive treatments. In April my husband and I gave up our apartment so we could move in to my parents so I could become my mums main at home carer. I was attending every appointment and treatment so mum had consistency, and somone to make her laugh (the more in-appropriate banter the better).
Following Mum's passing time stood still for the family so it was myself who organised the funeral with dad signing off to make sure he was happy and everything he wanted was in there.
The funeral came and went and it was time to scatter ashes, I once again had to organise a time to do this that suited everyone, especially one sister in particular that could ONLY attend at 8:30 on a Saturday morning as she had shopping to do afterwards..... Who didnt even bother to attend... (story for another time...)
I went straight back in to work and I have an online game I play for escapism (im a 36 year old married man and yes I play games), if im alone in the car i'll chose a route that has a nice long road that I can just scream in the car at the top of my voice. Then when i get to the other side, put on that smile for all else to see.
I feel like im loosing that fake smile and people are starting to see past the facade.
I know I need to get help, i just dont know where to start, what to say or what to do so im attempting it.
(again - sorry if im in the wrong place, just point me to the nearest exit)
Hello TaiDragon
Welcome to the forum, here there are many who have experienced the loss of a loved one, who have held them as they passed and who are trying, like you to keep the 'I'm Okay' mask they are wearing from falling.
There is no time limit on grief and it is my experience that things get harder before they become manageable.
I am sorry to read that you lost your Mum on June 20th 2015 of Lung Cancer, after you and your Husband moved in to your parents home so that you could become your Mum's main carer. I am also sorry that you feel as if you have been pushed from pillar to post in your search for support. I am not sure whether the experiences and comments you have shared regarding that were from a Macmillan site, but I hope that now you have reached us here, you will find some of the support that will help you with the next steps of your journey.
There is never an end, and maybe there is no getting "better" but with support and a friendly ear, (maybe from a stranger or two) the managing of your own personal grief and emotions, where there needs be no pretence, and where game playing is very much allowed, will allow you to become the you, the person you need to be with no façade.
There are other avenues, some ideas can be found HERE, alternative support could be via counselling of some kind or another, but one step at a time.
We are here, and I hope that you find some comfort in knowing that you can open up here and be you... no masks, no pretence, no judgement.
Welcome again.
Lowe'
