We recently lost my mum very suddenly when she was diagnosed with lung cancer and within 3 weeks, she passed away.. I can’t even begin to say how much my mum meant to me, but I think it’s not sunk in yet.
I don’t feel like I’ve had time to grieve yet.
my dad comes to our house every night and as much as I love him and I feel the pain he’s experiencing, I also can’t process things myself. He doesn’t want to talk about things, he’s often snappy with me and has upset me a few times. I totally appreciate why he’s snappy but I have 2 children under 5, a hectic life working and supporting my family, I’m really struggling myself. It would help us both if we talked but he won’t. He’s never been one for helping out with the grandkids so the offer of joining us on days out is always declined. We’re no help to him when he comes over, he chastises me and makes me feel worse.
I’ve tried offering ‘solutions’ like going for a daily walk, seeing old friends and all he says he’s not ready, but he also doesn’t want to be alone.
Has anyone experienced this? Going through it now? I really want to help my dad pick up, so that I can. I never thought I’d be the one supporting my dad, I thought it would be the other way round.
Hi Jlsmith3110
So sorry to read about your mum and the effect it is having on your dad, you and your children.
You are so right that you need to help yourself first and foremost. Your dad making you feel worse is not really helping you and has the potential to impact on your children too - they are often very quick to pick up on any tensions and can be quite good at blaming themselves too.
A couple of really good charities that can help people in there circumstances are the loss foundation and cruse bereavement care.
Were your children close to their nan? The pages here are more focused on a parent with cancer but they may contain some useful tips and signs that could help them if they do have questions.
<<hugs>>
Steve
