Watched my dad take his last breath

Hi Watched my dad

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dad.

You can take great comfort for having your dad at home and being with him as much as possible.  This would also have given him great comfort to be around his loving family and would have made his passing more peaceful.  

You do learn to live with the grief - the pain never leaves or the feeling of missing a loved one.  However, over time your mind will help you recognise triggers and develop coping methods to deal with these so that it does seem easier.  Talk to your dad when ever and where ever you want.  He will always be around you and will try to guide and support you as best he can.  Tell him how much you miss him and how much pain you feel and ask him to give you a sign that he is near by and listening.  The sign may happen straight away or could be a few days later.  It may be finding a white feather unexpectedly, radio / tv retuning or finding something of your dads you thought was lost years ago.  Visit one of his favourite places on your own and talk to him there and await any response he can send - if you are in a park it may be a breath of wind on a still day.

Writing is a great way to express your emotions.  Start a memory book about your dad including stories from your childhood, stories from his childhood, stories from other relatives and friends of your dad and lots of photos.  You can do this on your own or in a group with family members - include happy and sad memories to get a true picture.

If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. 

Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.

I've just gone through the same thing with my beloved Kathy. On the 4th she was screaming about the pain over the phone, and on the 5th she was on so much morphine that she only just recognised me before she finally slipped away.

Hi 

Sorry to hear about your dad and his suffering - I watched my dad pass at home too and was there for his final breath - this was a few months ago now.

For me it was so raw and difficult to comprehend and scarring - I could not get the image out of my head for days and weeks of him in a bed in our home - but since then I have been able to remember him as he was when healthy - I’m not glad about anything but for want of a better word I am glad he was home like he wanted and I got to hold his hand everyday and tell him I loved him and maybe in time that will comfort me more than it does right now

It’s been a few months for me now and I’m slowly learning how I can carry on each day and not to plan too far in advance but we are all different and I’m sure you will find a path that is best for you and your family in such a tough time

i still miss my dad and it hurts every day and I find myself crying at the strangest things because of it but I know I will get there for him and with the love and support of family and friends 

We are all different and my experience will be different to yours I’m sure, I hope you find a way to help yourself through, talking has really helped me understand my emotions and I hope it can help you too.

i wish I could be of more help to you but I hope in reading my experience you can see you are not alone and that there is no right way to get yourself through this or set amount of time to “feel better”

sending best wishes to you and your family.

Thank you for your supporting message

Your experience is so sad, I'm so sorry, we do need to find strength to learn how to live without them ...  Sending love

Thank you for sharing with me your experience which was very similar to mine. I don't really have many people to talk about it as only my mum was present and I don't want to keep reminding her about those difficult times. There are better and worse days but I think I'm slowly leaning to live with without my dad. I do get sad dreams about his last days... I'm sure things will get better with time . Sending love to you and your family ️

Hi Watched my Dad

I couldn't read your story without replying as it is so similar to mine. I lost my beloved step father in December 2020 to kidney cancer, I was also present when he passed away.

The time frame from diagnosis to his passing was 2 weeks and 3 days. In that time frame, he wasn't allowed any visitors due to the pandemic so he too had to go through it alone.I know exactly where you're coming from with feeling of helplessness- it's horrendous watching someone you love so much go through something so awful and know you can't do anything to stop it.

I'm now 6 months on from losing my stepdad. From experience I can tell you that the grief does shift with time. The rawness will eventually ease- the only advice I can give you is be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. There are still alot of times when the grief is excruciating- as an example I am dreading Father's Day this weekend as I never missed one with my stepdad. 

Please feel free to message me if you need to talk xx

Oh this is how I am feeling, my dads journey was quick but the last week he fades so quickly but in so much pain. The morphine didn't help but made him confused and scared. Then his last hour was spent fighting to breathe and although me and my mum were with him and said our goodbyes, now all I can remember is that last hour and how he looked afterwards.  I feel like I can't remember anything else at the minute and I'm struggling to move past it as its such a horrible image.  

I just want to remember my wonderful,  strong lovely dad not the ravaged person I watched die.

I'm so sorry for your loss... Your story did bring sad memories and tears...what I can say is that with time the image of suffering is starting to fade away and I'm now remembering my dad from when he was feeling better. Of course the traumatic experience I think it will stay with me forever but I can now live with it.. I still cry sometimes... I hope you'll feel better soon. Sending love x

Sorry for your loss. I also lost my dad this year and watched him take his last breath, it is an image I can’t get out of my head and I dream about it often. Towards the end he was in so much pain and it almost felt a relief knowing he is no longer suffering.

im hoping soon it gets easier and I can remember the good times x