I'm sat at my desk, probably looking as though I'm replying to important emails with how serious I look. I just can't focus on anything for long enough. I grew up as the internet became more popular, I used to try and sneak my headphones to bed when I was young. But now, I can't have a moment where there isn't noise to distract my thoughts from him.
I have one headphone in right now, playing episodes of Gilmore Girls I've seen a thousand times. He died over a year ago, but it just creeps in at random. He was in so much pain, I feel guilty when I feel pain because its emotional. He was family and my best friend. He just understood things.
Soon, a man I'm involved with will most likely relocate for work, which is fine, we're not exactly in a relationship, but we're very close. I'm nervous for whenever he leaves, but I also know nothing will ever feel as empty or worse as when Aeron died. So, I guess that gives me freedom? freedom in loss?
I hope someone can give me advice on how to be content in the present moment? I need noise and distraction so my mind doesn't drive me insane. Anybody else out there feeling the same?
Back to actual emails now.
