My wife passed away in March after being diagnosed with terminal cancer on New Year's Eve 2020, because of covid she wouldn't go into hospital or a hospice, so palliative care was set up at home, this was the worst mistake we ever made, in her short time at home, we struggled to get district nurses or doctors to come out and see her, most doctors appointments were over the phone, it was a complete nightmare, she deteriorated so fast, no one seemed to be able to give me answer's. The last few weeks of her life was awful, she developed breathing difficulties and could barely move without getting out of breath, she also developed edema which I presume was after affects of chemotherapy, again we were never told the reason. The doctor said that the breathing was probably to do with too much medication and she would try and alter the doses, at this point my wife was on over 40 tablets a day, the doctor also said she would organise a COPD team to help her with the breathing problems. They took a lot of tablets off her including her heart tablets, two days later she passed away, the official death certificate said she died from cancer, but I think she died from heart failure due to stopping her tablets. I had a phone call shortly after her death from the doctor who offered her condolences and told me she was so shocked at her death because she was sure the breathing could have been treated and was surprised how quickly she died, to me it's clear she died from heart failure, during the day she died she was talking to me, she was very weak, but talking, on the evening she collapsed and by 11.00 pm she had passed away, it then took four hours for district nurses to come out and deal with her body. The palliative care my wife received was not fit for purpose, it was a struggle from beginning to end, in hind site I wish she had gone into a hospice, at least there she would of had one on one treatment and although I know my wife would have died eventually from cancer, I still feel she would still be around now if she had proper treatment. Anyone who finds themselves in this position, make sure you push and push, try and get doctor's to come out personally and above all keep asking questions.
Hello Wireman53
I am so sorry to read that your wife passed away in March after what seems to have been an extremely difficult period of time where her palliative care was not delivered correctly. There is, to my mind nothing worse than thinking that "IF X had been done" more time would have been offered.
Very recently I have lost both my Dad and my Brother in Law to cancer, my Dad spent the final week of his life in hospital, he was not allowed visitors, and it was clear to me, by the way that he was communicating that he was struggling being "alone" in the hospital. This was in April, when the covid restrictions were, for that particular hospital still quite stringent. On the day they advised that he could come home, he died, I believe that he tried to prepare himself for home, something he had not been able to do for some months, I will never know what happened between 4.15pm when we were told he could come home and 6pm when the doctor called the family to the hospital. My Dad passed a couple of hours later.
My Brother in Law was very quickly transferred into a hospice, He had been diagnosed with secondary liver cancer in March and had started immunotherapy in April. After his 2nd treatment he deteriorated extremely quickly, from being able to walk indoors off of the hospital transport on Tuesday to not being able to get out of bed on the Thursday. Very quickly a bed was made available for him in the hospice, he had two dedicated visitors from our family, they visited daily, sadly he continued to deteriorate and passed a fortnight later.
I wonder often for both of these great guys whether things could or should have been different, and although I appreciate that your wife's experience was very different, I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I believe I understand how you feel.
I am truly sorry for your loss
Lowe'
